<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>My Secret (FTM Richie) by HoodieTown124</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26184655">My Secret (FTM Richie)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoodieTown124/pseuds/HoodieTown124'>HoodieTown124</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Misgendering, Slurs, Swearing, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Richie Tozier, Trans Richie Tozier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:20:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,706</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26184655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoodieTown124/pseuds/HoodieTown124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>My parents have to stop screaming and arguing about my opinion on my own life. I need to get accepted by others. I most get him to like me.</p><p>Coming out can be hard, dealing with the consciences is even harder, especially in my life.<br/>~~~</p><p>Rachel Tozier doesn't like the body he is born in so he changes how it's looked at by others. Little does he know that this could be the best and worst thing he has ever done in his life. He learns that life can suck sometimes but you just need to keep rolling with it and it may just give you a shoot.<br/></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Beverly Marsh &amp; Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh &amp; Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough &amp; Stanley Uris, Richie Tozier &amp; Stanley Uris</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Warnings and Added Details</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This Story Has...</p><p>-Abuse</p><p>-Transgender Content</p><p>-Small amount of rude trans and gay slur</p><p>-Dysphoria</p><p>-Swearing</p><p>-Bullying</p><p>-Small amount of violence</p><p>If you don't like these things you can easily click off. </p><p>-HoodieTown</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Try To Blend In</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Richie POV)</p><p>My dad always hated when I didn't have any friends that were girls or when I tried to blend in with the boys. On the other hand my mom didn't mind when I did any of those things. She always was the prettiest person I knew, she was kind and caring I don't know how she ended up with my dad as a husband. She could totally find someone better then him, anyone was better than him in my opinion. He always thought violence would solve the problems and misbehaver that I had done over the years.</p><p>Now I don't have that to worry about its my first day of grade 5 tomorrow. This year I should try to make some friends that are girls and at least attempt to blend in with the girls in my grade. That was going to be difficult to master due to the fact that no girls ever seem to enjoy my presence. Maybe if I dress more girly the will like me.</p><p>I have long black hair that is usually pulled up into a pony tail, its frizzy and curly making my hair look unkept. I have thick black glasses that appear to my liking. I have eyes that appear bigger when the glasses are on. My eyes glow a brown colour that don't glow in my appearance. I am shorter then most of the girls in my grade due to that I stand out even more than I already do. My voice is a little lower then the rest of them and sounds almost like a boys voice.</p><p>I can put my hair down and straighten it to make it look well kept so the girls don't think I'm a mess and don't wash my hair. I could were the pink earrings to appear more girly and make it look like my favourite colour is pink like the rest of the girls my age. I can wear a blue skirt and a purple tee-shirt to look more out together. I can possibly avoid using my glasses but I will probably run into lots of walls and I'd have to play it off. Maybe I can skip the glasses plan because I am blind as a bat without them.</p><p>I heard my mom call me down "IT'S SUPPER TIME, SWEETIE!!!" I stood up from my bed and slowly dragged myself out of the room and down the hall to the stairs. I slowly made my way down the stairs one step at a time. I wondered into the kitchen as my mom quietly set the plate in her hands on the table. She looked up at me and said "I know its boring but I hope you like it."</p><p>I slowly walked over and sat down in the chair before answering her "Yeah, its great, mom." I slowly took a bit out of the food that sat on the plate"Mom." my mom looked up from the counter and said "Yeah, sweetie." I was about to ask if she could straighten my hair tomorrow when my dad came down the stairs with a growl on his face he had a phone in his hand as he walked into the kitchen. He looked over at me and walked in my direction. He looked down at me and said "Please tell me you were not at the Foreman's this after noon." The Foreman's were going to move soon and I wanted to play with the 2 before they left this afternoon. I knew my dad would not except that as a answer but I could not say I was not there because he clearly knew the answer to his own question.</p><p>I looked up at him and said "I went to go say goodbye to them before they left town." I felt like this statement wouldn't cut it for some reason. I had a bad feeling about this one "Rachel, please go to your room. I need to talk to your mother alone for a moment." I set down my fork and ran up stairs knowing what was coming. I ran into my room and grabbed my pillow of my bed and covered my ears with it. I could hear the screaming start and not stop for 30 minutes until they stoped yelling at us me another.</p><p>I feel bad that mom has to deal with this on a daily basis.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. First Day Being "Girly"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Richie POV)</p><p>I rubbed my eyes slowly as they quickly flickered open and closed. I grabbed my glasses off the table and slid them on so I could look at stuff without it being blurry. Uh, right I have to straighten my hair and put on a skirt sadly. I rolled out of bed and opened my closet door where the purple shirt hung and her skirt was folded up in a rectangle. I set the 2 things on my bed I didn't want to wear the outfit or do my hair. I looked down at the outfit that was lying on my bed.</p><p>I had an odd feeling that this was a bad idea due to the fact my stomach twisted up thinking about wearing that. I shoved the skirt back in my closet with content. I swapped the purple shirt I choose for a black tee-shirt. I grabbed a pair of shorts that went down to my knees. I grabbed a elastic band off my bed side table. I walked to the bathroom after placing the elastic on my arm.</p><p>I pulled out my tooth brush and tooth paste. I put the toothpaste on and brushed like I normally do brushed my teeth. I tried to brush my hair a little but it was so knotted that it was almost impossible to do. I pulled the elastic band off my arm and slid it into my hair to keep it out of my face. I looked at my appearance in the mirror and still felt unpleased with the results but it was at least a little better.</p><p>I opened the bathroom door and walked down the stairs quickly almost tripping at the bottom. I stood next to the kitchen door as the toast in the toaster popped up causing me to jump back a little. I regained my steps taken and stepped into the kitchen feeling oddly confident. I walked into see my dad drinking his morning coffee, he looked up from his paper and said "Please, go change Rachel." I looked down at my outfit and wondered what was wrong with it "Why?" He looked back down at his paper with very clear distaste. I looked over at my mom who was putting butter on the toast. I made a questioning look to show my confusion even farther.</p><p>She looked over at me and mouthed the words its ok, you don't need to change. I nodded in response and sat down diagonal from my father because I didn't want to face him or be next to him. My mom walked over and set the plate down in front of me causing me to look down at the plate. I told myself to keep quite for now. I quietly ate my toast, the only noise in the room was the almost silent breathing.</p><p>I looked up at the clock knowing I had to get on the bus soon. I read the time and realized that the bus would be here in a minute. I got up and set the plate next to the sink "Got to go, bus is almost here." I ran out of the room and picked up my bag from beside the door. I quickly unlocked the door and walked out the door. I took a deep breath and started heading to the bus stop.</p><p>As I walked I began to question myself and why girls hated my presence so much. I felt excluded from the girls in my grade and connected to most of the boys in my grade. Maybe I was different from the rest of the girls. I snapped out of it when the bus stopped in front of me. I stepped on to the bus and felt eyes on me, judging me. I see Stan wave at me and I went and sat next to him. I still felt like I was being watched and judged. I looked at a group of the girls the were all looking at me and laughing. They were wearing dresses or frilly skirts.</p><p>Imagine if I wore that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Bus Bullies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Richie's POV)</p><p>I sat there lost in thought before a hand waved in front of my face causing me to snap out of it. I looked over and saw one of the bullies that always is trying to bug me. He looked me in the eyes and just gave me a look like he was daring me to do something. He turned around and all of his friends(That also are bullies of mine) laughed loudly causing me to turn and face Stan who's face was red with very clear rage. I didn't hear what happened before so none of this made sense to me. Stanly gave me a sign to swap seats with him I quickly stood up as Stan slide over to where I was sitting. I sat down next to him in silence.</p><p>I sat there for a second in my own imagination before looking over at Stan who was yelling at them. He was clearly fighting over something that I still had not figured out yet. I wasn't listening to what was being yelled because I had a odd feeling I didn't want to know what it was. Stan was very clearly fighting my battle for me at the moment which I hated when he did that but this time I didn't have any context to the fight. I still wished I knew what he said before waving his hand in front of my face though.</p><p>Stan has always been a lot more threatening then me anyways. He was tall and sounded very sure of himself. He has a louder voice then me when it comes to yelling and talking. I tried to keep my voice down when talking to everyone but Stan. Stan was my best and only friend in this town. Everyone else(but most of the parents) hated me. I always enjoyed his presence to the point people thought we like-liked each other but I would never like him as more then a friend, he was like a brother to me in so many ways.</p><p>I started listening in on the conversation "You can't just call someone that its rude and she is not a f*got by the way!!!" Stan yelled this with anger growing in his face. Thats when I started to piece together what the fight was about. He probably called me a f*got well I was spacing out. Ive been called that so many times to the point of it almost causing me to reach my climax on everyone on the planet. Every time someone said that I always had a odd feeling in my stomach and a random feeling that I was about to cry.</p><p>I began to feel the tears poking at my eyes as I say there waiting for the bus to stop so I could get out of this situation.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Almost To School?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Richie's POV)</p><p>I hoped the bus was almost there silently. I felt the bus stop but it was clear we weren't there yet. I turned as a girl with red hair climbed onto the bus. After the red head sat down only 3 rows ahead of us the bus driver stood up and was walking very clearly in our direction. Stan was still yelling at the bullies as I sat there lightly pulling his shirt. I could tell he did not notice though because he didn't face me.</p><p>The bus driver reached us and gave the to of them a growl and beginning to speak "Boys, please stop yelling it is distracting to the bus driver and annoying to the other kids on the bus." Stan quickly nodded and spun back around to face the front of the bus. The other was why more hesitant to the orders. He sat there for a second before spinning around to face his friends.</p><p>I still had a odd feeling like I was going to cry though and it was getting worse by the minute. I felt like I could begin to cry any minute. Even my jokes could not hide my sadness this time. I started to feel worse holding back the tears. I took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes still trying to hold back the tears. My eyes felt as if they were burning from the resistance of crying. I felt the bus continue to go as if nothing happened but the first day was already ruined for me.</p><p>I put the glasses back on as the bus skidded to another stop in front of the school. The bus door opened as everyone on the bus got up but me. I sat there for a minute and then stood up quietly. I walked to the front of the bus as more kids still flooded off. I reached the door and stepped down. The doors closed behind me as I stood there for a second. I took a couple steps before felling someone tap me on the shoulder it was the bullies again.</p><p>I looked back down to the ground as he began laughing at something. I looked up as the red head stepped in front of me. She said something I could not make out over the kids laughing and playing behind me. The boys ran off not in fear but more in a frustrated motion. The girl turned around and looked at me and introduced herself "Hi, I'm Beverly but most people call me Bev. What's your name?" I wanted to not respond with my real name because I didn't like my real name. I felt like it was best to use it though "I-I'm R-rachel." I said in a whisper. She looked confused and said "What was that?" I didn't feel like repeating "I'm Rachel." I said in more of a taking voice.</p><p>Hopefully I make a new friend...unlikely though. I felt here eyes dash up as Stan walked over. Her eyes went back down to me "Well, It's nice to meet you Rachel." She put her eyes back on Stan as he introduced himself and as they talked to one another. The bell rang to go inside almost scaring me. "Well, It was nice meeting you both." Beverly said as she ran off waving back at us. I was always really quite talking to new people.</p><p>At least I made friend.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Homeroom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I slowly made my way to the classroom and opened the door. The desks were split in six rows each desk had a partner of two. I followed Stan to a pair of desks at the back of the room. I sat down in the other desk and set my bag next to my chair. I looked up as the group of girls that were on the bus went into the class. They were all laughing about something that I wasn't sure about, they could be laughing at anything or anyone even me. I sat there as Stan's one sided conversation continued. He was talking about somethings he did well on a trip with his family. When he left I was so bored and had nothing to do, I was so lonely.</p><p>The bell rang a second time as the teacher walked in. There was a tall boy with brown hair following behind her. She quickly stepped to the front of the classroom "Hello class, it's nice to see you all again." The kids all around me answered with a sigh probably because school was starting. She started to speak again "This year there will be a new student joining us." Girls already were whispering to one another. The boy stood there a moment "Would you like to introduce yourself to the class?"</p><p>He looked a little worried before opening his mouth to speak "I-i'm B-bill." He said both words with a stutter in his voice. "I-I came h-here from L-los A-angeles." He clearly was trying to avoid stuttering but it was clear it just caused it to get worse. The teacher quickly said "It's nice to have you in our class Bill. You can sit..." She scared the room with a look of thought on her face. I looked around the room there were no others seats besides the on next to me.</p><p>Her face lit up as she saw the open seat next to me. "Ah ok, you can sit next to Rachel." She pointed in my direction. " Rachel, can you please raise your hand?" I sat there thinking for a second before slowly raising my hand with my head still down. Bill slowly walked to the seat and silently sat down next to me.</p><p>"Ok, so this morning we are going to tell everyone one our names and something about ourselves as a reminder and as a introduction." The last part she said was gestured at Bill. Some of the boys sighed loudly making me flinch a little from the sudden burst of noise. I hated doing this because it almost always ended with someone laughing at me. It was almost always Greta and her friends laughing at me by the end of my turn.</p><p>Everyone but me and Bill got up and went to the carpet. Stan stood by me and pulled me up by the hand. After that Bill followed clearly just following along with me and Stan. I was dragged to the carpet by the hand still trying to go back to my seat. I was pulled into a sitting position by Stan. After he sat next to me Bill sat on the other side of Stan.</p><p>The teacher sat down between two students that needed separation from one another. "Ok, who would like to start?" one of the kids raised there hand and the teacher nodded. The girl began to speak but I wasn't listening to a word said by any student. It went down the line of students quickly, without my looking up. I panicked a little when it got to Bill because it was so close to me.</p><p>"I-I'm B-Bill and I-I h-have a s-stuter that I-I have no control o-over. I have h-had it sense I c-could talk-k." to me that was a brave thing to bring up during this. Stan introduced himself causing me to zone out because I knew Stan so well that I did not need to listen. I was buried in my own thoughts when Stan stopped talking. I wasn't listening to a word at this point I was no longer in a criss cross position, I was sitting there holding onto me knees with my face pushed into my knees. My glasses pushed into my face a little bit due to the pressure from my knees.</p><p>I couldn't speak or move from my spot. I was clearly shacking as I sat there in silence. I felt all eyes on me. The room was silent, my brain was running through all the things that could go wrong. I began to silently sob as the room was still in complete silent. The only noise in the room was my soft crying. I could hear the teacher almost silently stand up and walk over to me. She quietly told the kid next to me to continue. She kneeled down next to me and said "If you want you can go to the bathroom and calm down."</p><p>I quickly got up and ran out of the room still crying. I pulled off my glasses as continued to quickly rush down the hallway. I ran into the girls bathroom, no one was in there luckily. I sat down and cried in a stall for what felt like hours.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Bathroom Thoughts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I started to slow my breathes down, I don't know why I panicked so badly back there. I continued sitting there for a hour of silence. The teacher was clearly not allowed to leave the kids unattended but Stan can't come in here either. I sat there debating what to do because Stan can't come get me and I don't want to leave alone due to the fact that it was more likely that I got bullied after leaving. I knew my face was red due to the heat coming off of my face from crying. I wish Stan had permission to come and get me out of this f**king nightmare but he was a boy and I was in the girls bathroom.</p><p>I looked up at the ceiling and imagined what being a boy would feel like. It sounded so much better then sitting here alone in a bathroom stall. All the girls I know in my grade suck, besides Beverly. At least if I were a boy Stan would probably be right by my side right now. I heard the bell ring causing me to slowly stand up. I opened the stall as soundlessly as possible. I walked to the sink and took a breath, I splashed some water in my face to calm the heat coming from my face.</p><p>I pulled the glasses out of my pocket and slowly pushed them onto my face. I stared at myself in the mirror, why did I have to be born in this body? It hit me harder how much I hated my body as I stood there just glaring at myself in the mirror with hatred. I swayed to look at all the little things I hated about my face, body, hands and hair. I looked at my hair in the mirror in complete silence. The hair was pushed a little more downward from my head being pressed against the wall.</p><p>I pulled the elastic band out of my hair with one quick hand movement. I pushed the purple elastic on to my wrist. I brushed my fingers through my hair running into small knots. I pushed my fingers through the knots nonetheless. I lifted my hair behind my head so it appeared shorter then my actual length. It looked oddly neat unlike my long hair. I looked myself in the eyes and gave myself a small smile.</p><p>Thats when I heard the bathroom door bust open as Greta along with her friends walked in laughing, like always. I quickly let go my hair it fell down the back of my neck. I quickly pulled off my glasses and rubbed my eyes. The girls looked over at me and smiled "Hey, are you new here?" I didn't understand why they said that. Maybe my hair put down along with my glasses clenched in my fist changed my appearance that drastically. I had a very clear surprised look on my face due to the fact that one of the began to speak "Hey, you look like one of our classmates. Thats odd?" I tried to hold back my worried expression.</p><p>"Yeah, you look like the f**et in our grade?" I wanted to punch her right in the face so bad but it was best to just play along. "Yeah, but why better then her appearance and style." the group giggled. I accidentally broke character by gripping the glasses less tightly. The glasses dropped to the ground with a loud clinking noise. All the girls stopped laughing and looked down at the glasses that had a small crack in them. Greta glared back up at me with the same hatred in her eyes as when I was looking at myself in the mirror. She gave me a look of disgust as a quickly reach to the ground and snatched up my glasses.</p><p>"Soooo, you are the little f**et from our grade." I quietly slide the glasses onto my nose. "Uhh, I'm g-going to g-go." I tried to slide to the door without another word but of course I was unsuccessful. Greta slammed her hand in front of the door causing me to jump back. I looked at her as she stood there glancing over at her friends. She gave a small smirk and said "Sense your clearly a lesbian, why don't you have a girlfriend?" She had a very clear smirk on her face as she said that.</p><p>I looked back down and moved back a step. I knew I wasn't a lesbian, no matter what people say. I liked guys, not girls. I'm a girl that likes guys totally normal. I didn't want to be a girl but I am one so I'm stuck in this body now. I want to be a boy more then anything but I didn't get to choose my identity from the start. I wish I got a choose on the mater though...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Maybe I can be a boy?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Bullies In The Bathroom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I can't think about this right now, my goal is to get out of the bathroom first. I quickly pushed my hair back up into a ponytail. They began to draw closer as I took a couple more steps back. I began to grow anxious as one of my feet hit the wall behind me. I can't move back anymore, but I need to get out of here. This was the most uncomfortable position I've been in ever. "Did you think that you could just go along with this?" I pressed myself against the wall as I read her expression.</p><p>She had very obvious disgust and anger on her face. Her hair was up like mine but way neater at this point. Her eyes were dark in anger or it could be disgust from my existence. I looked down at her hand it was crushed into a fist. I stood there just looking at her for what felt like a couple minutes but clearly was more like 15 seconds. I slide across the wall to get the littlest more distance between her group and I. I quietly made answered her "n-no but you could mind your own damn business." I said that in almost a whisper. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!?!" I quickly looked up and stared her straight in the eyes. "I said mind your own damn business, Greta!" I stared almost into her soul as I almost yelled the words.</p><p>All of the sudden I felt more in control of the situation then I did a couple of seconds ago. I gave her a quick glare and walked to the door without another word. She was clearly in shook from me standing up for myself. I left the room in complete silence.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. 14 Blocks Of Thinking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I walked out of the room and closed the door quickly behind me. Did I really just stand up for myself? I did...I really did. Maybe today won't be so bad after all. No one was in the hallway so I quickly pumped my fist in the air.</p><p>***Time Skip***</p><p>The bell rang for the end of the day "Ok class, It was a... decent first day. I will see you all tomorrow." The reason it wasn't a very good first day was clearly my fault. I began putting everything in my bag. I pulled the light bag on my shoulder and began to walk to the door. I steeped out the door and got pushed instantly. My glasses fell off my face as I hit the ground. I looked up to see Greta standing above me looking down at me. I could tell it was Greta based on the voices behind her laughing. Everything around me was a blur because I was blind without my glasses. As I reached for what appeared to be my glasses my hand was stepped on as another foot quickly crushed the glasses.</p><p>The foot lifted from my hand after my glasses were long gone. The bullies stepped away a little when the door started to swing open again. I reached to the cracked and bent glasses that laid on the floor. The odd crying sensation grow in my body again but this time oddly even more intense. "Rachel!" I could tell it was Stan from the distance. I snatched the glasses off the dirt ground and began to run not wanting to seem weak. I slid the destroyed glasses onto my face again. I still could not really see but it was better then before.</p><p>I felt tears roll down my cheeks feeling as if they were leaving burn marks that would be there for the rest of my life. I sprinted two blocks before beginning to slow down to a fast jog. I still don't care about walking home. 14 blocks wasn't that long at least its better then facing Stan and the rest of the kids on the bus.</p><p>If I were a boy I would not have been in he bathroom with Greta. I wouldn't be picked on by there friend group for not being "Hot Enough." I mumbled the last part out loud. If I were a boy my hair wouldn't reach my waist. My dad wouldn't hate me and my family would be less of a mess. I wouldn't have to wear dresses or skirts or like the colour pink. I wouldn't need to be pretty or have long eyelashes. No more makeup at family gatherings, school pictures, parties or random special events. NO bracelets, necklaces, long dangly earrings that reach your neck or hair ties in pink or purple. NO curvy bodies, big lips, wide eyes or being short for boys to like me. </p><p>I'm in the wrong body...</p><p>My mind was rushing with all the up sides to being a boy. My pace had slowed to a slow walk as I dragged across the bridge leading to my house.</p><p>I wish I was a boy. Maybe, just maybe I can be.</p><p>I started to walk past the church as I heard a car or bus stop about a quarter of a football field away. I turned around to see Stan stepping down from the bus he had a worried expression on his face. He clearly could not see me yet. I stopped breathing for a second as Stan looked in my direction. He stopped walking and turned in my direction. I spun around fast enough to give me whiplash and began to run. I knew that Stan was faster but I was closer to my destination then him. I heard him from behind "Rachel, please stop running!!!" I can't stop running, no matter what.</p><p>I can run the two blocks left and shut the door before he reaches me. I felt my lungs burning as a ran and ran and ran. I heard the footsteps draw nearer and nearer as I got closer and closer to my house. It was good that my mom would be at the grocery store for about a hour so I can slam my door. I reached my drive way as I skidded to a quick turn. I slide up the sidewalk to the door "Wait, Rachel!" I slammed the door shut and smacked the lock turning it to the side locking it. I slide down the door to sit on the ground in a very uncomfortable position.</p><p>Knocking started at the door as I sat there in silence. " Rachel, I know your there. Please, answer me. Please, Rachel." I heard the footsteps walk down the path. The second I heard the last couple of steps I screamed at the top of my lungs from sadness and pain. One thought ran through my head over and over again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I am a boy."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Waist Length Hair</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I pulled my weak body off of the light brown wooden ground and wondered to my kitchen. I opened each cabinet one by one. I found a pair of scissors and pulled them out of the cabinet. I walked to the stairs and looked up them. For some reason the stairway felt long and steep more then usual. I wobbled up the steps at the slowest pace possible. I reached the top and turned around peering down the stairs. I spun back around I felt almost as if I was drunk. Drunk with sadness and fear, pain and... hatred.</p><p>I swung the bathroom door open the cracks still in my vision. I set the scissors on the vanity and looked at the mirror. I spun quickly as if I were a ballerina. I looked at my long unkempt hair and down at the scissors. I picked up the sharp object in my hand. I gently touched the side of the scissors with my pinky finger. I looked back into the mirror like it was supposed to give me a answer.</p><p>Would my mom be mad? Maybe but who cares at this point. I pulled a strand out of the rest of my dark brown hair and began to cut. I felt the cold scissors run lightly against my neck causing me to shiver. I felt my cuts get more aggressive the longer I stood there. At this point I am still in tears and there's no going back. I felt what was my waist length hair grow short and the weight on my shoulders and head lighten.</p><p>Did I make a mistake? Did I disservice this life or Stan or mom? I know I didn't make a mistake in any way,shape or form. Mom and Stan are to nice I don't disservice there pity or kindness.</p><p>I felt my hand slip and cut my finger a little. I stopped cutting to look down at the blood now dripping off my hand into the sink. I set the scissors down next to the sink. I looked up at the mirror half of my hair was up to my neck the rest still down to my waist. I can't leave it like this it's even more noticeable if it's lopsided by about a foot in length. I turned on the sink and removed my distorted glasses. I gently rubbed the blood off of my hand with water to try to stop the blood so I could continue cutting the lopsided mess on my head.</p><p>I stood there for a minute just staring at the very small clean cut on my hand. I pulled my hand away and rapped a little paper towel around it. I pushed it against my skin to make sure no more blood will come out. I let go off the paper towel letting it land inside the sink. I picked up the silver and black object and pulled it back up near my face. I began to manoeuvre the scissors through my thick hair. The sink still running in my ears. I cut away all of my hair up to my chin. I slowly slide my body on to the ground almost like I had been defeated by something. I set the scissors on the hard tiled floor next to me.</p><p>My thoughts were all gone and my eyes were heavy. So all I did was cry and cry and cry. I accidentally began to mutter my latest thoughts. "I wanna be a boy. I wanna be a boy. I wanna be a boy" I heard the front door open but I just kept repeating those words. I slide my foot to reach the door and then slowly closed it. "Rachel sweetheart, are you here?!?" I am here but no words can come out. I hear the stairs creak loudly as my mom makes her way up the stairs. I don't want her to find me it looks like a murder scene. Someone laying on the ground scissors next to there body well blood stains the sink. " I wanna be a boy." The door leading to my room made a almost silent noise as it was opened. "Rachel!!! Are you ok!?!" Of course I am not okay I'm on the ground in the bathroom crying. My hair cut up to my chin and blood in the sink.</p><p>I reached up and locked the door so my mom wouldn't come in. "Rachel, you ok in there?" my mom says as she steps infant of the door. "Yeah, just going to the bathroOm."my voice cracked loudly from me crying earlier. "Ok, what do you want for supper by the way?" "Whatever, it dOsen't matter to mE." I say trying to sound happy. "Ok then." I hear her walk down the stairs again.</p><p>What can I use to not get my hair noticed by my parents and at school? Hoodie? No. Helmet? No. Hat? Yes, a hat or toque both work. I know this won't stay hidden forever but it will have to work for now.</p><p>I stand up slowly and look at myself in the mirror. My face is red and puffy. My cheeks look stained from every single tear that went down my face. My glasses still shattered with a couple pieces missing from it. A rush of realization hit me like a bus.</p><p>Mom and dad will notice the glasses! Oh no, they will surely question me about them! Maybe I can say that I dropped it and someone walked on them... accidentally. It wasn't an accident though and I didn't drop them I was pushed onto the ground. It was a stretch but it will have to do.</p><p>I looked back into the mirror and rubbed my cheeks and calmed the redness of them. My hair was uneven still I need to fix it just in case I'm found out. I kneeled down and picked up the scissors holding them in my hand like it was the most expensive thing on the planet. I stood back up steadily and peered back at the mirror. I pulled at the ends and sniped the uneven parts making it more even the shorter it got.</p><p>I sat there silently calming myself down as I fixed my hair one cut at a times. I unknowingly started humming to myself from the odd satisfaction of short hair. I dropped the scissors next to the still running sink that looked like it was about to overflow. I spun the tap after forgetting that it was on. I unplugged the sink the hair that sat there slid down the drain. I reached to the ground all the extra hair was all quickly scooped up into my hand and thrown into the garbage can.</p><p>I walked back to the vanity and looked myself up and down. I felt oddly confident like someone could say anything to me and it wouldn't make my mood change in anyway. I pulled the glasses off my face and bent the sides back into proper shape. I set them down and rubbed my eyes making sure all my tears were gone from my eyes and cheeks. I put the glasses back on and smiled at myself in the mirror looking super confident. This mental breakdown may have lasted a hour but it felt oddly worth it.</p><p>"I will be a boy." I muttered to myself. "All I need to do is get to my room and put on a hat." sounded easier said than done.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Supper Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I slowly opened the door and tiptoed down to my room. I avoided all the parts that creaked by jumping and stretching my legs out. I reached my door and opened it trying to make it super quite. As I quickly and quietly closed the door behind me all of the sudden I heard the front door open. It was probably dad so I don't need to worry that much. I started digging around my dresser for a hat of any kind. I looked almost  everywhere then I began to look under my bed. I found a grey toque under my bed. It would have to work for now. </p><p> </p><p>I got up and walked to the small black mirror in my room. I pulled the toque on over my now short hair. I pushed the hair under the toque so it looked like it was still long. I turned around and checked the back to see if it looked fine. Thats when I had a realization "Oh, sh*t. Grandma is coming to have supper tomorrow night." She is catholic so she will pray before we eat... no hats at the table well grandma is here. "Oh no!" I screamed oncontieasly. My mom clearly noticed because the second I yelled a pan dropped. "Sweetie, are you okay?!?" "Yeah, mom! Just... homework!" the response was odd but whatever. "Ok!"</p><p> </p><p>"How am I going to do this?"what if they find out about this. "I could tell them?" no thats a bad idea. "Well, then what are we supposed to do?" I don't know maybe.... I don't know. "I need a plan."</p><p> </p><p>My brain was almost having a conversation with my mouth. My mind was fluttered with ideas that didn't help with the problem and things that were flat out annoying to even myself. Maybe I could tell Stan because I can tell he is very worried about me. I should... but what if he does not like me anymore. He is my only friend and what if he leaves me I will be all alone. The thing is it would be the best if I told him... but what if he leaves me. I don't know if I could deal with this anymore. "If I tell him and he leaves then he is no friend of mine. If he dosent like me for who I am then... then I'm-I'm." I began to feel tears run down my cheeks again. </p><p> </p><p>I wished the tears would go away. I slide down my light pink wall still in fear that if Stan found out he would... hate me. I sat there still and felt like I was going to throw up. "Supper is ready!!!" I do not feel like eating but they will get suspicious if I don't come down. The other problem is my hat someone will probably ask about it. I have no choose at this point though. </p><p> </p><p>I pulled my oddly tired body off the ground. I stood there for a second before falling back to the ground. My head started to burn with a headache. "Coming!" I yelled this trying to sound normal but at this point I had a splitting headache. It felt like bees were swarming around my head. It's probably from crying for so long because what else could it be. I shoved my body off the ground ignoring the headache that was happening. I opened my door and slammed it shut without noticing it slammed. I ran down the stairs forcing my headache down. </p><p> </p><p>I walked into the kitchen and waved at my mom trying to look as happy as possible. "Are you ok whats with the hat?" oh no she pointed it out. "Just cold." I answered like this because it was the start of school so it was fall. "Oh ok?" it was very obvious that this was not going to be the last of the questions. I sat my self down as the burning headache began to calm down little by little. The headache left quickly which was odd but I let it slide. </p><p> </p><p>My mom set the plates on the table that had lasagna on it. "Thank you." my dad came and sat down diagonal of me. "How was your day, Rachel?" my dad rarely talks to me when it comes to my life so this was new. "Oh, it was... ok." it was a lie but I can't tell the truth. I still did not feel hungry but it would be suspicious to them. My hunger was nonexistent though. After I picked up the fork I pushed around the food making it look like I ate something. It was clear my parents were glancing at each other in concern. Even if my dad did not care much about my life I was still his only child. I usually had a big appetite which probably is why they are concerned. </p><p> </p><p>"So sweetie, did you learn anything today at school?" the interrogation has started. I don't remember what we learned because I was crying in the bathroom the first half of the day and the other half I was lost in thought. "No, at least nothing that helped." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, ok. "</p><p> </p><p>She clearly was not buying it but she pretended that she was. "Make any new friends?" I made one friend but maybe she was just trying to befriend Stan. "I meet this girl on the bus. Her name is Beverly but most people call her Bev." I left out the part that I meet her because I was being bullied and she stood up for me. "Thats nice to hear." she sounded a little worried after saying that. The awkward tension was growing in the room. I was looking down at my hand that still had a cut on it. It looked perfectly straight almost like it was meant to be there. The room was silent which made the headache that was once happening come back. I tried to ignore it but it was worse then before. I cupped my face in my hands trying to get it to stop "Are you sure your okay?" She sounded super worried about me. "Yeah, just a headache." </p><p> </p><p>"Ok but do you need anything to stop it or is it small." I nodded trying to express that I needed something. She got up and walked to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I can here the bottles of pills shift as she looked for something. "Maybe you should take off the hat. It might help with the headache."</p><p> </p><p> I can't take off the hat though they will find out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Almost Discovered</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She walked out of the bathroom with a small bottle of pills. She placed one in-front of me and walked into the kitchen grabbing a cup of water for me. She was filling it up slowly "Did you hear what I said?" I was questioning what to do to avoid taking the hat off. She walked back over placing the cup filled half way in front of me. She walked behind me and with a quick movement pulled the toque off my head. She set the hat down next to me without looking up at me. I had a very shocked expression from the misplaced hat that now sat on the counter. I panicked and started to run out of the room as fast as my legs could carry me.</p><p> </p><p>At this point no one noticed my short hair. I was lucky but I know my mom will come up the stairs to check on me. I slammed the door shut the minute my feet were clear from the door. "Sweetie, come down please! I would like to know what's the matter!" I had no answer but I was most certainly not going down there without the hat. I locked my door so no one could enter my dungeon of sadness.</p><p> </p><p>I can't go down there no matter what. I can't answer mom without either lying or being super mean. "NO!!!" was all I could scream before putting pressure against my door sliding down it. I pulled my head down into my hand. My body still pressed against the door.</p><p> </p><p>I fell into deep sleep in a matter of seconds.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Prepare for This Mess</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My alarm clock started to give off with  it's tiny beeping noise. My neck was in an odd position when I woke up which was weird. I didn't want to move from my spot, I was to tired. I reached down to pull the covers over my head but there was nothing there. I opened my eyes rather quickly to see myself laying on the floor. I reached up to push my hair behind my ear but then I remembered there was no point. </p><p> </p><p>I felt terrible my head stung and my body felt like it would never move again. I tried to move my legs but they were asleep and felt like pins and needles were going through my body. None the less I pushed my body off the ground with all my strength. I stood there for a second before taking one step forward to wake up my legs. I paced in a circle for a second to get my legs out off the piles of pins and needles that felt like they surrounded me. </p><p> </p><p>I looked down at where I was sitting to see a small note sitting there. It read "Good morning, sweetie. Sadly me and your father had to leave for work. There are leftover pancakes in the fridge heat them up for 1 minute.  Also, after school I would like to speak with you about something important." At the end my mom signed it with here nice handwriting and a small heart next to it. </p><p> </p><p>She clearly was worried about me and why I seemed so on edge sense yesterday. It was nice to know that I can walk around the house without worrying about my hair being discovered. I undid the lock on my door and pushed it open like I was expecting someone to be there. The hallway was dark so I reached my hand out and flipped on the switch that was outside the door.</p><p> </p><p>The light turned on illuminating the walls and ground. I stepped out of my room and yawned. I just then realize that my glasses have been on all night. I pulled the door to the bathroom open and step inside. I grabbed the glasses off my face and set them next to the sink. I turn on the tap and a small flow of water comes out of it instantly. </p><p> </p><p>I put my hands into the cold water and push my face down into the water along with it. I move my hands causing water to splash up into my face. I pull my head out and shake my head back and forth to bring my brain into reality. I stop moving and look at myself in the mirror. I look at myself head to toe before studying the small curves that have started to appear about half a year ago. </p><p> </p><p>At least they were not overwhelming like some of the girls in my grade but they still annoyed me. I wish they would flatten out evenly amongst my chest like the boys in my grade and stay like that for all of time. </p><p> </p><p>But we don't always get what we want, do we.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Talk To Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Before walking out the door I put on the hat that was still on the table. I walked to school because I didn't feel like talking to Stan and explaining why I ran away. I walked into class the moment the bell rang so Stan wouldn't have time to question me. The teacher talked and wrote on the board till the bell rang for lunch. I didn't listen to a word she said well teaching. I got up and speed walked to the door so Stan still couldn't talk to me. Of course he will eventually come up to me and ask about yesterday.</p><p> </p><p>I walked down the hallway ignoring Greta pointing at people and laughing with her group. For some reason I feel more confident right now. I was about to step into the lunch room but then I felt a finger tap my shoulder. My body spun around to see Stan who was standing in front of Bill. It looked like Stan befriended Bill when I wasn't with him the morning. </p><p> </p><p>I didn't know what to say or do so I just gave them an awkward smile. "H-hi guys." I tried to sound like it was my normal voice but I stuttered because I am nervous. "Why did you run away from me yesterday, Rachel?" Stan looked super worried about me. "Nothing I was just..." I clearly did not have a answer to his question because I couldn't tell the truth. He would get more worried about me, he has a very big track record of getting worried about me easily. </p><p> </p><p>"Rachel, I know you don't have an answer for that isn't a lie." he was right I don't have a answer for my odd behaviour. I got distracted by Beverly walking up to us "Hey, guys." She looked just as cheerful as ever but that doesn't change how nervous I am to answer. "I don't think I've met you before. I'm  Beverly." she held her hand out to shake Bill's hand. Bill quickly grabbed it and let go " I'm B-Bill." Stan was still looking down at me with the same expression as earlier. "Stan, I-I... just I-I..." I've never been so nervous about anything in my life. I felt my eyes swell with tears, I didn't want to tell him but he will know if I lie.</p><p> </p><p>For some odd reason I feel like maybe Beverly can help. I looked over to her and then quickly looked down at my black and white shoes. Beverly was asking Bill what was going on but I don't think Stan told him about the problem. I wanted to talk to her because if she doesn't accept me then I can easily move on but I also know her so it works. I felt a quick thought roll over me the thought was quickly in action before I could think it through. </p><p> </p><p>I grabbed Beverly's wrist and dragged her to the nearest girls bathroom to talk. Stan was watching me leave with Beverly still being gripped by my hand. It was funny to me that I was proceeding with the plan that wasn't really fully planed yet. Beverly looked a little taken back by my actions. </p><p> </p><p>But I have to tell someone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Explain It To Beverly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> I pulled Beverly into the empty bathroom to talk to her. I dragged her into a stall so if someone comes in that they won't see us. I locked the door and let go of her wrist. I slide down the wall and curled up on the ground. I feel Beverly sit next to me because of she leaned into my side. She was looking at me with a worried expression that also had some confusion in it. I looked over to her for some reason it felt like I can tell her everything. </p><p> </p><p>I pushed my glasses up the brim of my nose before beginning to speak "Sorry, I-l know I'm just wasting your time but I just..." She looked surprised "No, of coarse your not wasting my time. We're friends." It felt good for her to think of me that way but her opinion might change if I tell her. </p><p> </p><p>"Thanks but... you know I'm wasting your time. I just can't talk to Stan about t-this." </p><p> </p><p>"You are totally not wasting my time and what is it that you can't tell Stan?" She was clearly telling the troth based on the look in her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>"I-l well. It's just..." I don't know what to say my mind is racing. I can't think of anything else so I just quickly pull of my hat to reveal the now short hair.</p><p> </p><p>"I like the hair. Why can't you tell Stan he wouldn't care?" but it wasn't just that. "Why did you cut your hair though?" </p><p> </p><p>"I cut it because I-I... didn't know how to process my emotions." I felt like everything I told her would not reach anyone else's ears. </p><p> </p><p>"Wait, what?" I didn't think that she would be so shocked. </p><p> </p><p>"I cut it because I didn't like it long. It was...annoyingandmyhandgotcut. (annoying and my hand got cut.) Mebeingagirlisstupidtoo. (Me being a girl is stupid too.)" My voice super fast because of how nervous I am. </p><p> </p><p>"I think I understand what you mean... and wait you cut your hand." She grabbed my hand and looked at the small cut that once spilled blood all over the sink.</p><p> </p><p>"Yah, it was just a small cut though." I smiled awkwardly because of the fact that she didn't pay attention to the last part. </p><p> </p><p>"So you cut it yourself?" she dropped my hand.</p><p> </p><p>"Yah, it doesn't look that great though." it honestly doesn't look good at all it is a little weird. </p><p> </p><p>"No it's not, it looks great. Better then I could do at least." how is she still avoiding the second part of what I said. </p><p> </p><p>"Did you hear what I said after the cut thing?" I want her to say yes because I don't feel like saying it again. </p><p> </p><p>"Sadly I couldn't tell what you said that time. What was it?"</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, I sa-said uhm..." dang it she didn't hear me.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, spit it out already." she has no clue.</p><p> </p><p>"I said that being a girl is stupid and it's ...it's not for me." she seems a little surprised.</p><p> </p><p>"I see you are on your period...must suck." she has no clue what I mean.</p><p> </p><p>"No, I'm not. You are super clueless to what I mean so it doesn't matter. I'm wasting your time." I began to stand up when I was talking.</p><p> </p><p>"Wait no, you are still not wasting any of my time and I want to know what the problem is. Even if I just met you, you are the only person that was nice to me." she pulled my back down by the arm. </p><p> </p><p>"I just... sorry for this taking so long. What I meant was that I h-hate being a g-girl just all together. That's why I chopped of my hair, well it was also Greta's fault." it felt good to get that off my chest.</p><p> </p><p>"I see so you don't like being a girl and don't worry about the amount of time this takes." at least she doesn't seem that upset my thoughts on myself.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, that's it. I don't like being a girl." I felt her arm wrap around my shoulders when my sentence ended.</p><p> </p><p>"Honestly, I think Stan won't care about that. He will still be your friend." she could be wrong though.</p><p> </p><p>"But what if he dose not like me anymore after I tell him." </p><p> </p><p>"If he doesn't like you after that... then at least that means he is kinda a bad friend and you don't want that in a friend." she is right if he isn't my friend anymore at least I will have her.</p><p> </p><p>"And I will still have you as a friend?" she quickly nodded. </p><p> </p><p>"Why wouldn't I still be your friend?" maybe its best if I just tell Stan.</p><p> </p><p>"I guess that reassuring. It gives me a little bit of confidence that I won't be all alone." at this point I was just thinking out loud. </p><p> </p><p>"I would have no reason to leave my only friend that I have made."</p><p> </p><p>"But could you come with me to tell him about this." she gave me a quick smile before opening her mouth to speak.</p><p> </p><p>"Yup, I won't lea..." the bathroom door slammed open before Beverly could finish her sentence. I glanced under the door and saw a pair of pink shows walk past the door followed by others that were pink and purple. There was a roar of laughter coming from the group of girls along with gossip slipping off the tongue.</p><p> </p><p>Come on why them?!?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Greta’s Gossip Group</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's clearly Greta and the gang, you can tell based of the voices and pink and purple shoes. What if they heard the conversation?!? </p><p> </p><p>I felt my breathing begin to speed from the sudden eruption of noise. Beverly quickly noticed my nervousness based on her reaction. She pulled me to the other side of her to move me away from the stall door to quite my breathing but the movement rubbed my sneaker against the floor making a little squeaking noise. </p><p> </p><p>"What was that I thought no one was in here?" The noise caught there attention and there laughter and  gossip quickly came to a pause. I panicked a little because I didn't want them to talk to me right now. My breathing halted to a stop out of fear. </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, I heard it to." </p><p> </p><p>"Me three."</p><p> </p><p>"True I didn't think anyone was in here."</p><p> </p><p>"What ever, it was probably our shoes." we are safe now.</p><p> </p><p>(Stan POV)</p><p> </p><p>Rachel is acting insanely odd but for once I feel hopeless to the situation because now she has other friends to talk to about 'Girl Problems'.  It sucks that I can't get her to talk to me but I have to just keep trying. </p><p> </p><p>"S-Stan, what h-happened between you t-two?" it was a question that I was asking myself sense yesterday. </p><p> </p><p>"We just... I don't know actually. Rachel is just acting weirder then normal." it felt bad that I could have done something wrong that I didn't know I did wrong.</p><p> </p><p>"M-Maybe she's having a g-girl probe-lem. I w-would not w-worry about i-it that much just give h-her some space for n-now." honestly this advice might be the best for everyone especially Rachel. </p><p> </p><p>I look back over at the bathroom Bev and Rachel went into to see Greta and the gang leaving. Hopefully they did not run into them, they always have kinda been a dick to Rachel. </p><p> </p><p>"W-What was that-t?" opps I guess I said the last part out loud. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, nothing." it WAS nothing but I still felt bad about the whole situation.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Rumours Will Start</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Richie POV)</p><p> </p><p>After I left the bathroom the rest of the day felt like it flew by. The day fluttered by as as it neared the end of the day. I stood outside talking to Bill, Stan, and Beverly without a worry in the world. After that I had a noticeable reason to feel like attention was hitting the back of my head as I started walking towards the sidewalk. I lifted my hand so I could touch the hat that was sitting lightly on my head but it was gone. I turned around to see Greta standing there holding my hat clutched in her fist. </p><p> </p><p>My expression quickly dropped from the happy-go-lucky look that was previously on my face. I felt the whole world start to move slower to match the pace of my thought process. I still have the feeling all eyes on me but I didn't have anything to say. I walked up to her and held out my hand to receive the hat but she didn't set it in my hand. She quickly dropped the hat on the ground and turned around and started to laugh along with friends. I was embarrassed but I had no way to fight back without getting in more trouble. </p><p> </p><p>The whole entire world continued to slow down to the point where it had the appearance that it was not moving an inch. I quickly reached down and snatched up the hat I pulled the hot down over my ears to cover all the extra strands of hair. My heart was racing in my chest because I didn't have anything  to do to stop stop it from becoming a rumour. A rumour that would spread around the whole school like disease.</p><p> </p><p>The world started to move around me again as my heart slowed down to its normal pace. Stan walked up behind me and opened his mouth before closing it again. The silence was to awkward for my taste so I turned around and began walking to the forest on the cracked sidewalk. Stanley quietly walked behind me along with the group that had now been formed. I do not want to tell Stanly about the hair but he's definitely going to ask me about it sometime soon. We all stepped into the woods as I looked into the distance in front of of me. It was quiet and calming but had an odd uneasiness to it. </p><p> </p><p>The other three walked slowly behind me as we wandered deeper into the woods, Stanley seemed to be holding a conversation quite well. We walked deeper and deeper into the woods until we reached a clearing in the trees. From behind I can still hear Stanley rambling about birds which was definitely one of his favorite topics to talk about.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Supper With Grandma</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>Honestly at this moment I was kind of in a bad mood but I wasn't going to show so I slow down my steps to match the rest of the group and nodded to whatever the conversation was. As we walked into the center of the clearing Beverly set down her bag and sat the grass, we all quickly followed. I honestly wasn't listening to whatever the conversation was because I had no clue what was going on. Personally at this moment I kind of wished I could sit here alone and sleep but we don't always get what we want. At this point I didn't really know much about Bill because Stanley was the one that friended him. Well they were having their conversation I just sat there in into glanced into the forest. My glasses still had tiny cracks in them from being stepped on by Greta but I could still see out of them perfectly. </p><p> </p><p>I gently pulled the glasses off of my face and folded them up as I examined the little cracks and crevices from the bullying. The words that are being spoken flew in one ear and glided out the other. It was hard to see most of what was going on beside me due to the fact that my glasses were now sitting on my lap instead of on my face. </p><p> </p><p>Beverly quickly came up from beside me and tapped me on the shoulder before running away into the open field. I did not know what that was about until I heard her yell tag in the distance. I snatch the glasses up from my lap before sliding them up my nose so I could see again. I sat there and buried my face in my knees instead of standing up and playing. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, come on! Please can you join in!" Beverly was screaming in the distance.</p><p> </p><p>Honestly I really didn't want to join in on the game because I just felt awful but I felt bad not joining in so I quietly stood up and ran towards her. She was facing the other way because she thought that I wasn't going to join. I quickly tapped her on the shoulder before running away in the opposite direction. When she turned around she looked a little shocked but nonetheless began to chase after me.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~ Time skip to After Stan and Bill Joined and They Played for a Long Time~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>At this point my shorts were covered in green from the grass. My hat was sitting next to my backpack because I felt like it wasn't necessary around them. I had my cheerful smile back on my face because of the fact that I felt way more comfortable around them. Beverly was quietly rolling around in the grass as I sat next to my backpack with Bill and Stan. </p><p> </p><p>Stan looked down at his watch and tapped me on the shoulder. I looked down at the watch that was now being shown to me. It was 5 o'clock already. </p><p> </p><p>"S**t. Sorry but I have to go before my parents get mad." I quickly stood up and pulled on my hat that was once on my head.</p><p> </p><p>I scooped up my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. I began walking in the direction where we came from. I turned around and waved to all of them before starting to run through the woods. </p><p> </p><p>Wait, I feel I was supposed to do something. This weird feeling hit me like a bus. OOPS I was supposed to come home and talk to my parents but I forgot. I was so screwed. Oh and supper with Gran well I was definitely screwed for the night.</p><p> </p><p>I reached the edge of the woods and quietly crossed the street I walked down the deserted sidewalk to my house. I looked down at my feet as I took step-by-step. I quickly reached the front of my house. The world quickly slowed down from my excited state. The world a grew quiet but I continued to walk up the steps to my house.</p><p> </p><p>I set my backpack next to me as I pulled out my silver house key from my back pack. I pulled the bag back over my shoulder as I pushed the key in the lock. I turn the key and quietly slide open the door. My mom came around the kitchen corner with a curious look on her face. </p><p> </p><p>"Why are you so late?" </p><p> </p><p>"I was... uhm ... Hanging out with some friends and I forgot about coming home." I knew I wasn't lying but I had this odd feeling that I was. </p><p> </p><p>My mom just nodded with a pleased look on her face, most likely because I had friends. She went back around the corner as my dad stepped into the door frame. He looked a little frustrated based on the raised eyebrow and closed mouth. </p><p> </p><p>"Please, go change." was the only thing he said.</p><p> </p><p>I nodded and walked up the stairs to my room. The second my door closed I pulled off the hat that was on my head. I made my way to my closet and pulled out my so-called fancy clothes. It was a purple top with a black skirt but it did not look nice on me in my opinion. I shoved the two back in my closet before pulling out something else to wear. The new outfit was a white shirt with a red patterned shirt overtop of it. With ripped jeans that were not purposely  ripped at the knees it was just from me getting shoved to the sidewalk by bullies. </p><p> </p><p>The clothes looked way more appealing on me then whatever the last outfit was supposed to be. I was about to go down stairs before hearing the door bell ring then I slid back into my room because I forgot my hat.  I pulled the hat on to hid every little strand that would give me away to everyone. I messed with the bangs and pulled them out because it did not look out of the ordinary. I pushed my door back open and stepped down the stairs almost skipping every step landing at the bottom of the stairs with a bang. </p><p> </p><p>"Rachel Sweetie, please be carful!" my mom said from the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>"Sorry." I said walking into the kitchen to see my Grandma standing with my mom chatting. </p><p> </p><p>My grandma looked up and saw me. She gave me a cheerful smile before walking over and giving me a big hug. Honestly, she always was the person that spread cheer when she came over but tonight that was going to probably change. I hugged her back before she stepped back.</p><p> </p><p>"It is so nice to see you again." she was smiling happily at me. </p><p> </p><p>"It's super nice to see you too." I gave her a cheerful smile as I tried to hid my concerned look for what was to come. </p><p> </p><p>My dad walked in and greeted my grandma. I walked over to my mom to help with the final things for supper. She handed me the spoon so I could mix the gravy that was in a white bowl. I slowly mixed the gravy with my right hand making sure that nothing spills. I blocked out all the noise and just stared into space as my arm moved on its own. </p><p> </p><p>My mom grabbed the spoon from my hand and waved a hand in front of my face but I just looked deeper into the void. My hand was not moving because my train of thought was roaring in my head as I stood there. </p><p> </p><p>"Sweetie?!?" I looked up and looked into her brown eyes.</p><p> </p><p>I pulled my head out of the void and snapped out of it. She nodded and passed me the spoon back. At this point she was probably just checking if I'm alive because at this point I know I have been acting strange lately. My grandma continued to talk to my dad with her cheerful smile still on her face. At this point I knew it wasn't going to last long. </p><p> </p><p>I quickly finish stirring the gravy and set down the spoon. My mom was finishing up the last of the things for supper. </p><p> </p><p>"Sweetie, who were the friends that you made?" my moms question caught me off guard. </p><p> </p><p>"what?" I was really distracted by my thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>"The ones you were hanging out with? Let me guess you were playing with Stan and someone else?" she sounded happy because I made a couple friends. Honestly, it was not that big of a deal.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, I was hanging out with Stan, Bev and Bill." at this point it did not mater I said to stop the question I knew was coming.</p><p> </p><p>"Any of them girls?" my dad said from the other side of the room as he sat down at the table. </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, uhm... Beverly is." it was a question asked almost every day so it was rare for me to actually have an answer. </p><p> </p><p>"Thats nice to hear." my dad was still mad that I didn't... well now used to not have any friends that were girls, you could tell in his voice. </p><p> </p><p>"Okay sweetie you can go sit down now." My mom said cheerfully. Honestly I felt kind of bad  that there cheerful mood wasn't going to last.</p><p> </p><p>I walked over to the table where my grandma and dad are sitting and joined them at the table. I know grandma is going to make us pray soon so I quietly took a deep breath to prepare myself for the storm that was coming. My mom walked over and placed the last of the meal on the table. </p><p> </p><p>"Okay, it is time to pray." My grandma said excitedly, she doesn't come over very often so this was a nice moment for her.</p><p> </p><p>"Sweetie, can you please take off your hat." My mom said in an odd tone. The tone was not mean but it was more curious. </p><p> </p><p>I quietly reach up to my hat and pulled it off my head slowly. At first no one noticed but the second I shook my head to let down the rest of my hair it was noticed. I heard my mom's small gasp come out of her lips. At this point my eyes are sealed as if it was going to protect me from whatever words were about to escape. </p><p> </p><p>"Rachel honey, what happened to your hair?" My mom's voice had a mix of curiosity, surprise and calmness but at this point I wasn't worried about my mom, I was more worried about my dad's input on the situation. </p><p> </p><p>My eyes were still closed when I heard my mom's chair move as she got up from her seat. Her footsteps approach me as I sat there pretending it was totally normal. I slowly opened my eyes to see that both my parents we're leaving the room. My dad had an annoyed look on his face or maybe it was frustration. On the other hand my mom's face just had a little bit of a look of shock. Before my grandma could say anything I got up from the table and ran out of the room behind my parents. I was about to start sprinting up the stairs when my mom's hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down the stairs. </p><p> </p><p>"You never answered my question?" At this point it sounded like she was asking me a question other then actually waiting for an answer. </p><p> </p><p>"It was... w-was... uhm." my feet were still on the same position on the stairs as before. </p><p> </p><p>"Why would she do that to her hair? SHE LOOKS LIKE A BOY AND THE OUTFIT TOO." the last part was more of a whisper yell, my dad was clearly madder than I have ever seen him but I know he can't do anything well grandma is here.</p><p> </p><p>But I could always be wrong. My dad quickly hit my causing me to fall back and fall back down the stairs hitting my head on the first step. My mom's hand still holding onto my wrist. My eyes grew heavy as my mom shoved my dad away from me. My mom turned back around to face me and kneeled down to see if I was okay. My head was aching and my head felt like it was going to explode. My dad was pushing himself off the ground from were my mom pushed him. </p><p> </p><p>Before I could hear anymore I ripped my hand from my moms grasp and booked it up the stairs into my room. I slammed the door shut and locked it. This whole thing felt like last night but more stressful. I slid open my closet door and quietly sat inside it. For some weird reason the closet felt safe and calming. I pulled the closet closed and began to tear up. </p><p> </p><p>My hair circled my head like a crown as a pushed away my tears with my palm. I set the glasses to my side and pushed them down HARD. I heard my glasses make small breaking noise as it broke into tiny pieces. I lifted my hand from the now glass covered floor and it hurt, my hand had tiny shards of glass sticking out of it. My hand had a large amount of red liquid gushing from every little scrap and cut. My head was rushing with the thought of my family's relationship going down the drain. </p><p> </p><p>I heard screaming down stairs it was even coming from my grandma. It was not screams like someone was about to kill you but more like arguing but VERY loud arguing. I looked back down at my hand as I heard steps marching up the stairs. </p><p> </p><p>Wait, dad has a key to get open my locked door! He can get in here! OH,NO!!!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Found Hiding Spot</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I sat in my closet with my hand in front of me. I was staring at the drops that fell from my finger tips. I heard my dad walk into his room and start shuffling around for something. I have a good idea what it is he is getting. The key to my door.</p><p> </p><p>My hand hurt still but it was not my biggest problem anymore. I listened and heard my parents still arguing well he looked for what was clearly the key. I grabbed one of my skirts and wrapped it around my hand to stop it from bleeding all over the place. My vision was still blurry because my glasses were in pieces. </p><p> </p><p>I heard a door slam as steps came down the hallway to my door. My heart was beating super fast to the point it felt like it was going to explode. My breathing was shut off from fear that was spreading through my body. I heard the front door slam shut but I still did not move. </p><p> </p><p>"BYE MOM!!!" so it was my grandma who left. She probably thought our family needed to talk but I wish she stayed. </p><p> </p><p>The second that she was done yelling I heard the lock on my door begin to shake. I pushed my face into my knees as I hear my door swing open. My heart was pounding in my throat as my dad's foot steps came into the room. </p><p> </p><p>My mom was still screaming at him as he began to look for me. </p><p> </p><p>"LEAVE HER ALONE!!! SHE DID NOTHING WRONG!!" </p><p> </p><p>"SHE DID DO SOMETHING!!!" his hand put a hole through a wall.</p><p> </p><p>I was peeking out of the crack leading into my room. Everything was rushing onto me so quickly it felt like my brain was going to start expanding. </p><p> </p><p>"THAT F*G! WHERE ARE YOU!?!" my eyes began to feel heavy as the words left his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>I pulled my eyes away from the crack in the door. I leaned back into my closet wall to hide myself deeper in the dresses that hung from the rods above me, the ones I will never agree to wear. The yelling continued as I sat there in my own pile of tears. The rest of the glass from my glasses that once sat on my face was all over the ground around me. </p><p> </p><p>I heard one of the closest doors open but it was the one further away. I pushed my legs deeper into my chest. I was holding the skirt over my hand still with my left hand. The door nearest me swung open but I was still hiding behind the dresses. My mom continued yelling at my dad as he began shuffling around where I was. I was pushing myself deeper and deeper into the corner. </p><p> </p><p>He began pushing through the dresses I was behind causing me to flinch. The glass on the ground around me was sparkling from the light that came from the open closet door. The dresses that were protecting me from eye sight were slide one by one out of there places. </p><p> </p><p>Everything was still blurry so I could not tell how close he was to finding me. The second light was the only thing I could make out was when I knew I was found. Something wrapped around my wrist as I pulled from my spot. The skirt was dropped to the ground as I tried to resist. </p><p> </p><p>My mom was standing there trying to grab me from my dad but he was stronger than her. I was in complete shock from the instant fear that spread through my body. Tears dripped down my cheeks as he let go of my wrist and I fell to the ground. My dad began to yell at me and my mom but I was not listening to a word all I could hear was my loud subbing. </p><p> </p><p>My mom walked over and kneeled down next to me. I quickly wrapped my arms around her not caring about the blood. </p><p> </p><p>"WHY IS YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT!?!" my dad was asking but I wasn't facing him or listening. </p><p> </p><p>"BECAUSE I CUT IT OFF!!!" I screamed knowing that I was not going to get a good answer ether way. </p><p> </p><p>"BUT WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?" my mom was hugging me tightly. She was facing my dad giving him a glare for scaring me and yelling.</p><p> </p><p>"It was long and girly. IT DIDNT MATCH WHAT I WANT MYSELF TO BE!!!" I was standing all of the sudden and facing him with a look of anger in my eyes. "BEING YOUR DAUGHTER IS A WASTE OF MY TIME!!!" my face was red in anger.</p><p> </p><p>"YOU ARE-" I cut him off before he could continue. </p><p> </p><p>"AT LEAST IF I WAS YOUR SON I WOULD NOT HAVE TO WEAR DUMB DRESSES AND HAVE LONG CURLY HAIR THAT REACHES DOWN TO MY WAIST!!! PLUS EVERYONE THINKS I'M A LESBIAN IN MY SCHOOL ANYWAY BUT I AM NOT!!! I DONT EVEN WANT TO BE A GIRL MYSELF, I WANT TO BE A BOY AND YOU DO NOT GET A SAY IN IT BECAUSE IT IS MY OPTION!!!" his fist clenched tighter at each sentence. </p><p> </p><p>Before he could say anything a ran out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom. I walked into it and slammed the door shut and locking it behind me. </p><p> </p><p>"YOU WILL NOT BE A F*G!!! YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER AND YOU WILL-" </p><p> </p><p>"I AM NOT YOUR DAUGHTER AND I DO NOT HAVE TO LISTEN TO A WORD YOU SAY!!!" I know that he will need to get the key before he can open the door so I have a little time. He began moving down the hall toward his room. </p><p> </p><p>I jumped up on the toilet to the small window that I could just fit through. I pushed open the window with all my strength. I stayed standing there as I grabbed bandages from the medicine cabinet. I shoved them in my jean pocket and shut the cabinet. I pulled myself up and began to slide myself out the window. There was a small roof under the window so I could land there. </p><p> </p><p>I pulled my legs through the window and sat on the roof for a second. I turned around and pulled the window closed. I scooted to the edge near the shed and jumped to the shed roof. I let my self fall to the ground from the roof. I ran to the gate and opened it with a small noise coming from it. </p><p> </p><p>I ran down the sidewalk in the direction of where I was earlier. I almost tripped but regained my composure quickly. My tears still ran down my cheeks feeling like they were burning me. I reached the outside of the woods and slowly walked into the woods. It has only been thirty minutes sense I left but it felt like I had not seen it in years. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe they will still be there it has not been to long.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. In The Field</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I stepped into the field and looked at where we were sitting earlier. Only two back packs were sitting on the hill but I could not see the owners. I looked down at my blood covered hand and noticed that it was dripping on the grass. I paused and sat down in the grass a few inches away from the blood. I pulled the bandages out and started to unravel it with my hand. It was hard because my vision was blurry but I hit the end within a minute. </p><p> </p><p>I pulled out the couple pieces of glass from my palm. I flinched at the pulling because of the pain. I started to wrap my hand but then I heard a voice but I quickly forgot about it. </p><p> </p><p>"Rachel!?!" I stopped what I was doing and looked up to see Beverly happily waving at my with a bit of a confused expression. I let go of the bandage and waved at here with a fake smile on my tear stained face. She was about a yard away. I quickly moved my attention back to the bandage as I finished up wrapping it. I looked up and saw Stan right in front of me with a concerned look on his face.</p><p> </p><p>"What are you doing here and what happened to your hand?" he clearly went from a cheerful mood to a concerned mood quickly. </p><p> </p><p>I looked back down not wanting them to see my tear stained face. My face was red from screaming and from crying. I was about to open my mouth when I felt an arm wrap around my back causing me to feel as if I was about to cry again. I looked the smallest bit and checked if it was Bev that had her arm around me. I turned to her and leaned my head on her shoulder calmly. She pulled me so I was sitting in front of her. She started hugging me as I sat there crying quietly. </p><p> </p><p>Stan sat down next to me and started to gently rub my back soothingly. It stayed like this for a very calming minute. I began to calm myself down from the sudden shock and started breathing normally again. I pulled away and rubbed my eyes still facing down. </p><p> </p><p>"Rachel, can you please tell us what happened?" I don't even know what happened my brain is to cluttered to piece it together. </p><p> </p><p>"M-my grandma came over and she always makes us pray sooo..." my mind began to draw a blank. </p><p> </p><p>"Take your time."</p><p> </p><p>"S-so I had to take off the hat a-and... m-my dad l-lost it." I was mumbling most of the words but I could tell they understand.</p><p> </p><p>"Where are your glasses?" I looked down at my wrapped up hand and pointed at it. </p><p> </p><p>"Uhm..." they both seemed confused to my response. </p><p> </p><p>"T-they shattered a-and got in m-my hand." I felt like I was going to start crying again. </p><p> </p><p>"Can I see?" Stan was holding out his hand knowing I will say yes.</p><p> </p><p>I set my hand on my lap and unwrap it carefully. I set my hand in his and he pulls it close to him. He was looking at it as I sat there silently waiting for him to let go if it. I was looking down at my thighs and questioning what they would say about my hand. My eyes were still leaking small tears. </p><p> </p><p>"How did it happen?" Stan sounded like he had thousands but only asked one. </p><p> </p><p>"I-I was sitting in my closet and t-they were beside me. My hand s-slipped and it smashed the g-glasses." both of them nodded at me and looked up at each other looking super concerned. </p><p> </p><p>I pulled my hand away from him and wrapped it up again. Stan still has no clue what I said to Beverly in the bathroom. Maybe it would be best if I explained. </p><p> </p><p>~~~~~Time Skip Basically The Same Conversation But It Is With Stan~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>"Ok." he sounded a little surprised but still had a very understanding voice. </p><p> </p><p>I nodded and looked down at the grass.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Should I Go Home?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What are you going to do?" Stan was looking down at my hand that lay peacefully in my lap.</p><p> </p><p>"I-I honestly don't know." my eye lids are heavy and my chest was quickly rising and lowering. </p><p> </p><p>I did have a idea but at the moment I can't tell if it was a good idea though. I could go back home and confront my dad about the whole thing but I know that it will lead to me going to school tomorrow with a black eye and a couple bruises. I hate coming to school when like that because the teachers always question the marks on my body. I never tell the truth I always come up some random lie. Somehow it often worked and they would not question any further. There has been a couple times they did not believe me but I always ended up getting away with another lie. </p><p> </p><p>"Well, I have one idea but..." my mind trailed off because of the thought of all the things that could go wrong. </p><p> </p><p>"What is the idea?" Stan was now looking... or at least trying to look me in the eye. </p><p> </p><p>"It's just me going home and d-dealing with the consequences." I knew it was a bad idea based on them looking up at each other and giving each other a concerned look. </p><p> </p><p>"Wh..." I got up and started walking away before he could finish. </p><p> </p><p>I am just annoying them, it's just bugging them. They want to help but I am just wasting there time. They could be doing something else with there time. </p><p> </p><p>I turned around and started walking into the woods back to my house. I need to confront my dad about this, plus it can't go that badly. Well, at least it can't be the worst thing in my life... or it can be. </p><p> </p><p>"Rachel, where are you going?!?" Beverly was up and chasing after me Stan not far behind. </p><p> </p><p>I stopped mid run and sat on the ground. </p><p> </p><p>Am I making the right choose?</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Got a Plan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Richie POV)</p><p> </p><p>I sat there with my head in my hands. My vision was still blurry causing me to not be able to see more then a foot in front of my face. I felt someone tap my shoulder making me tense up in my spot. </p><p> </p><p>"Stan, any other plans?" Bev was talking to Stan over my head. I sobbed into my hands silently as Beverly wrapped her arm around my shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>"B-Beverly?" I began to stutter out through the tears choking me up. </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah?" I relaxed my body a little bit.</p><p> </p><p>"Maybe I-I could j-just head ho-home..." Beverly did not let me finish my sentence.</p><p> </p><p>"No you can't." she sounded stern and worried at the same time. Stan was making small circles with his thumb on my back. </p><p> </p><p>"Y-you d-did not le-let me finish. Hmm... I was g-going to say I cou-could have a backup plan just i-in case." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh Ok. Maybe if you want you can leave again if it goes down hill." I nodded a little.</p><p> </p><p>"Rachel, you could always sleep over at my place?" Stan said this with so much hope in his voice. </p><p> </p><p>"maybe...... your house is only a couple blocks away." I was mainly talking to myself at this point. </p><p> </p><p>"So is that a yes?" I nodded to him and flinched at the thought of going home. </p><p> </p><p>"I will meet you at t-the ed-edge of the woods if it goes d-downh-hil." I was looking at the grass covered forest floor. </p><p> </p><p>"How long do I wait for you?" maybe twenty minutes could work?</p><p> </p><p>"Twenty t-to thirty minutes,” I respond quickly. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Going home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Richie POV)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After the plan was finished being created I began walking home. I was practically blind but I could still make out shapes in front of me. I made it to the door, I could hear yelling coming from inside the house. I flinched when I began making out the words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I WILL NOT HAVE F*G AS A DAUGHTER!!!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"She did not do anything wrong!!!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"YES SHE DID!!!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tears began to pour down my face. I blanked out the voices. I moved my hand in the direction of the doorbell but stopped myself. I put my hand back to my side. I moved around the house to just below my window. I climbed up the tree and slowly looked in the window. No one was in my room but the yelling still continued. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I slid the window open just enough to fit my small body through it. I began going through the window when I heard a loud crash making me flinch. I hopped down quietly and began sneaking through my room. I pulled out a bag and put a change of clothes, pjs and a toque. I lifted the bag over my shoulder. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I could make out that my parents were in the kitchen. I slowly opened my bedroom door and went down the stairs making sure no steps creaked. I walked in the direction of the kitchen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I have to stand up for myself because no one else can. My dad could have hurt my mom for all I know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I Stepped into the kitchen, no one noticing me. My dad then looked over at me with gridded teeth. He looked like he was ready to explode, face red and eye brows furrowed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"SO YOU DECIDED TO COME BACK!!!" my mom turned around and faced me a concerned look on her face. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yes I did." I tried to hide how shaken up I was from the situation. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"sweetie..." my mom looked scared not for herself but for me. She couldn't finish her sentence before my dad began moving in my direction.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. This Was A Bad Idea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Richie POV)</p><p> </p><p>I stood in front of my dad with  a confident face but on the inside I was scared. He kneeled down in front of me and looked me in the eyes. He moved his hands so they were on my shoulders. I began to process an escape plan because I had a bad feeling about this whole thing. I kept my feet planted on the ground in a steady position. I was ready to rip his hands of my shoulders and run.</p><p> </p><p>"Ok, we all have to calm down here..." my dad looked mad still but a little bit calmer. </p><p> </p><p>"I am calm. I have been since the start of this." He gave me a quick stink eye because I was being a smart a**. I  honestly was always kinda a smart a** but I just try really hard to close my mouth.</p><p> </p><p>"Rachel, please don't use that with me right now." opps I most have said that with attitude accidentally. </p><p> </p><p>"Sorry..." I looked down at my shoes as they relaxed in my spot. </p><p> </p><p>"Sweetie, where are your glasses?... WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND?!?" My mom was looking down at my hand. </p><p> </p><p>"Broken and glass from the broken glasses." My mom was holding my bandaged hand. </p><p> </p><p>"I am so sorry, Sweetie. I over reacted. We can pretend this all never happened..." why would we pretend it never happened. I don't want to go back to being a girly girl. </p><p> </p><p>"NO!" I accidentally screamed at the top of my lungs. </p><p> </p><p>"YES WE WILL!!!" my dad looked very angry again causing me to prepare to run. </p><p> </p><p>"Wentworth... please calm down" my mom looked horrified of the situation. </p><p> </p><p>"No we won't." I was looking my dad square in the eyes. I slapped his hands of my shoulders and tried to run. I was grabbed by the back of my shirt causing me to chock a little bit. I was pulled back by my shirt collar. I gagged a tiny bit. </p><p> </p><p>I looked over at the time, Stan will wait ten more minutes. I have ten minuets to get out of this sh*t show and get there. He slapped me and shoved me to the ground. He was yelling at full force, I was fearful of the future at the moment. </p><p> </p><p>I felt a sting on my cheek as sprinted away from his grip and ran out the door. He slapped me and I was crying.</p><p> </p><p>I am weak and don't deserve help from Beverly and Stan.</p><p> </p><p>I shoved these thoughts from my mind and body. I ran like my life depended on it because it might.  </p><p> </p><p>I ran with tears streaming down my face. I even ran with the small bruise forming just below my eye. With the bandages around my hand and my fast pounding heart. With the sad thoughts, blurry vision and fear fo what was to come. </p><p> </p><p>I am broken.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. This Was A Bad Idea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Richie POV)</p><p> </p><p>I stood in front of my dad with  a confident face but on the inside I was scared. He kneeled down in front of me and looked me in the eyes. He moved his hands so they were on my shoulders. I began to process an escape plan because I had a bad feeling about this whole thing. I kept my feet planted on the ground in a steady position. I was ready to rip his hands of my shoulders and run.</p><p> </p><p>"Ok, we all have to calm down here..." my dad looked mad still but a little bit calmer. </p><p> </p><p>"I am calm. I have been since the start of this." He gave me a quick stink eye because I was being a smart a**. I  honestly was always kinda a smart a** but I just try really hard to close my mouth.</p><p> </p><p>"Rachel, please don't use that with me right now." opps I most have said that with attitude accidentally. </p><p> </p><p>"Sorry..." I looked down at my shoes as they relaxed in my spot. </p><p> </p><p>"Sweetie, where are your glasses?... WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND?!?" My mom was looking down at my hand. </p><p> </p><p>"Broken and glass from the broken glasses." My mom was holding my bandaged hand. </p><p> </p><p>"I am so sorry, Sweetie. I over reacted. We can pretend this all never happened..." why would we pretend it never happened. I don't want to go back to being a girly girl. </p><p> </p><p>"NO!" I accidentally screamed at the top of my lungs. </p><p> </p><p>"YES WE WILL!!!" my dad looked very angry again causing me to prepare to run. </p><p> </p><p>"Wentworth... please calm down" my mom looked horrified of the situation. </p><p> </p><p>"No we won't." I was looking my dad square in the eyes. I slapped his hands of my shoulders and tried to run. I was grabbed by the back of my shirt causing me to chock a little bit. I was pulled back by my shirt collar. I gagged a tiny bit. </p><p> </p><p>I looked over at the time, Stan will wait ten more minutes. I have ten minuets to get out of this sh*t show and get there. He slapped me and shoved me to the ground. He was yelling at full force, I was fearful of the future at the moment. </p><p> </p><p>I felt a sting on my cheek as sprinted away from his grip and ran out the door. He slapped me and I was crying.</p><p> </p><p>I am weak and don't deserve help from Beverly and Stan.</p><p> </p><p>I shoved these thoughts from my mind and body. I ran like my life depended on it because it might.  </p><p> </p><p>I ran with tears streaming down my face. I even ran with the small bruise forming just below my eye. With the bandages around my hand and my fast pounding heart. With the sad thoughts, blurry vision and fear fo what was to come. </p><p> </p><p>I am broken.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Stan The Man</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Richie POV)</p><p> </p><p>I ran toward the direction of where I was told to meet. I saw the shape of a person making it out to be Stan. He was looking the other way. I ran up to him and hugged him. I held him tight after a second he hugged back. I was still a sobbing mess with tears running down my pale face.</p><p> </p><p>He gave me a hug back and wiped away my tears with his thumb. He was the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for. He was blurry and I could only make out some of his face. After a minute he pulled away and dragged me in the direction of his house. We got through this interaction without a word.</p><p> </p><p>We walked up  his sidewalk to his house, me still in tears. He knocked on his door.</p><p> </p><p>At least they already know me .</p><p> </p><p>"My parents don't know your coming. Is it fine if I explain what happened?" I nodded silently.</p><p> </p><p>His mom opened the door and her face appeared to change. Stanley pulled me into the doorway and began to talk to his mom. He asked if I could stay the night. She questioned him about my tear stained face and wrapped up hand. He explained the situation from the start to now. Along with my dad's acts of violence and threats. He did leave out why he was mad and the breakdown in my bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>"Sweetie are you okay? Can I see your hand?"His mom was kneeling in front of me wiping away more of the tears.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah... I guess." I held my hand up to her.</p><p> </p><p>She took me into the living room and sat me down on the sofa. She sat next to me and pulled my hand into her lap. The bandages were removed from my hand and placed on her lap. She gasped a little when she saw the cuts on my hand.</p><p> </p><p>"Stan sweetie, can you go get the first aid kit for me."   It was less of a question and more of an order.</p><p> </p><p>He nodded and got up from his seat.</p><p> </p><p>"Rachel, what happened to your glasses?" Stan probably skipped that part.</p><p> </p><p>"T-They are uhm.... in my hu-hand and k-closet floor." She looked super worried.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay.What about the black eye?" It was possible that my eye had turned purple in the span of my run to Stan.</p><p> </p><p>"......d...Wentworth." I struggled to say dad so I just said Wentworth. He was no dad of mine.</p><p> </p><p>She gasped and looked at my bruised eye. She looked at the purple and yellow that covered my eye. After a minute Stan came back with the little red bag. He handed it his mom and sat back down next to me on the other side of me. His mom dug through the bag and pulled a pair of tweezers.</p><p> </p><p>"I might need to pull out some glass is that okay?" I just nodded and looked down at my bloody hand.</p><p> </p><p>She put the tweezers near my hand and pulled out the smallest piece.</p><p> </p><p>"You okay so far?"</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, its fine." it actually did not hurt at all. I was used to a little bit of pain.</p><p> </p><p>She pulled out a few more shards from my hand. She set every single one in a tissue on her lap.</p><p> </p><p>"You okay, Rach?" Stan used the nick name that he hasn't used in years.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, I'm fine." Honestly I was not lying. It was nice to be in a room with a different family.</p><p> </p><p>One that was not so damn dysfunctional like mine.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, I am done. Stan can you wrap up her hand for me." I pulled my hand from her lap and set it on Stan's. He pulled out the bandages and carefully wrapped me up.</p><p> </p><p>After a minute of sitting there I heard the front door open.  It was Stan's dad, home from work. Stan's dad always seemed to be at work. He worked at the only so synagogue in Derry. I rarely talked to Stan's dad he just was not very talkative.</p><p> </p><p>His dad set down his bag and hung up his jacket. He glanced into the living room but kept walking nonetheless. He walked into the kitchen where Stan's mom was.</p><p> </p><p>"Why is Rachel here?" The talking was quite but still loud enough to hear.</p><p> </p><p>"There was a problem at her house with her father. I said she could spend the night." She was clearly trying to leave out detail.</p><p> </p><p>"What kinda problem?"</p><p> </p><p>"You can ask your son or Rachel. I am not properly filled in on the issue." I want him to talk to Stan not me.</p><p> </p><p>He walked out of the kitchen and walked into the living room. Me and Stan sat there quietly talking to one another. He sat down in the chair across from us.</p><p> </p><p>"So Rachel can You fill me in on what happened?" He sounded genuine enough for me. I turned he looked a little worried due to the black eye and red face.</p><p> </p><p>"...uhh....My dad got mad at me for something I couldn't control." I kept it plain and simple leaving out details.</p><p> </p><p>"What did you do?" Oh no the question a worried about from the start.</p><p> </p><p>"I-I......uhhh......cu-cut mu-my......hu-hair." I kept it short and brief a second time. I was a bubbling mess.</p><p> </p><p>"I can see. I like the hair by the way." he got up and walked back into the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>I heard whispers from the kitchen. I don't think they believe my brief story about what happened.</p><p> </p><p>"Rachel, want to go up stairs?" I just nodded.</p><p> </p><p>It felt like I was answering ever question with I guess or yes. I pushed myself up of the couch to follow Stan. We walked up to his room and sat on his bed.</p><p> </p><p>"...Do you want to tell me what happened when you went back?..." he seemed very nervous for my response.</p><p> </p><p>"...Sure...When I got back I heard my parents yelling in the house so I went in through my window...I grabbed a small bag before I went down the stairs...My dad was clearly mad at me" when I said bag I gestured to the small bag I had with me.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, what happened next?"</p><p> </p><p>"My dad tried to convince me to pretend this never happened... to go back to normal bu-but I can't just go back to normal now... he got mad when I tried to dip and grabbed my shirt.... then I got this." I motioned at the purple eye that was now a tiny bit swollen.</p><p> </p><p>"That's when you got it." He nodded along with his words.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(Stan POV)</p><p> </p><p>"That's when you got it." I knew she didn't have that before she left to go home.</p><p> </p><p>I feel horrible for Rachel she doesn't deserve this. Wait earlier she said she didn't want to be a girl, does that me she is now a he. I wonder, I could ask.</p><p> </p><p>"Uhh...well I'm thinking about it, I was wondering if you want to be referred to as a he."</p><p> </p><p>"...yeah, I would like that." Ok that will take a little bit to get used too.</p><p> </p><p>"What about your name?"</p><p> </p><p>"...at this point almost anything is better than Rachel." He is not wrong Rachel is really girly in my opinion.</p><p> </p><p>"Uhhhhhh... maybe....... Richie?" It was a random name that just formed in my head.</p><p> </p><p>"YES!" Rach- wait no Richie looked so happy. "That's perfect."</p><p> </p><p>His excitement made me smile a little. He looked so pleased and excited. I'm not used to him being this cheerful and happy.</p><p> </p><p>"OK then. Richie, What do you want to do?"</p><p> </p><p>"Don't know, you can choose." He looked pleased with me calling him Richie.</p><p> </p><p>"We could... just play a board game?"</p><p> </p><p>"Once again, you can choose."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, right. Then lets play a board game."</p><p> </p><p>I got up from my bed Rach- Richie following me. This is going to be hard to get used too.</p><p> </p><p>I went and grabbed monopoly from downstairs well Richie just following. We went back up to my room and sat on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>"Which piece do you want to play as?"</p><p> </p><p>"...Uhh..dog."</p><p> </p><p>I placed the dog and the boot at the beginning of the board.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~Time Skip~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>"Fine, you won." Richie beat me by a long run. I always win but this time I just couldn't.</p><p> </p><p>"Hell, yah I won!" he looked so happy. "Yes, I have finally beaten Stan the Man."</p><p> </p><p>"Stan the Man?" I giggled a little at the weird name.</p><p> </p><p>"I don't know." Richie sat there laughing super hard.</p><p> </p><p>His laughter is super contagious because after he starts laughing I burst into a fit of laughter too. We sat there laughing so hard we might pass out from lack of air. I began to calm myself down when Richie fell back down to the ground laughing even harder. I began to laugh again.</p><p> </p><p>(Mrs. Uris POV)</p><p> </p><p>When Rachel got here I was shell shocked. Her parents seemed so put together without a worry in the world.</p><p> </p><p>Why would they be mad if there daughter cut her hair. There probably was a reason she chopped it off. There are so many reasons.</p><p> </p><p>Stan has brought up little things about Rachel. Stan seems to be her only friend from what I hear. She sounds as if she gets bullied sometimes but so does Stan. I wish I could stop the bullying but I have tried to do that and it didn't make a difference.</p><p> </p><p>Why would Rachel get bullied? She seems kind and pretty so I don't understand what she could be bullied for. Maybe glasses but that's stupid.</p><p> </p><p>I hear laughter coming from upstairs. They seem to be having fun.</p><p> </p><p>"Do you think she is hiding something from the story?" My husband was standing in the doorframe.</p><p> </p><p>"Maybe, it's possible." She did seem very brief with the story.</p><p> </p><p>"Because why would you just hit your kid for a haircut."</p><p> </p><p>"Maybe there was a reason for the haircut?"</p><p> </p><p>"We should try talking to her again later tonight."</p><p> </p><p>I nodded and began to think.</p><p> </p><p>I should call CPS on her dad it might fix the problem a little. I walked over to the phone and called CPS.</p><p> </p><p>(Richie POV)</p><p> </p><p>I laughed even harder when I fell to the ground. Stan looked like he couldn't breath. He began coughing as he laughed. Stan began to calm his laughter and talk.</p><p> </p><p>"Why     Was      That      Funny?" He took a deep breath between every word.</p><p> </p><p>I shrug and continued laughing up a storm.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Richie?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Mrs. Uris POV)</p><p> </p><p>After I called CPS I decided to try to get more out of the situation. Rachel seemed to be leaving a lot of details out of the short story. I wonder why she seemed so closed off from me during our conversation. She always seemed like a very open book in my opinion, especially to Stan.</p><p> </p><p>I went upstairs and walked to Stan's room. I could hear them laughing very loudly,</p><p> </p><p>"What the heck Richie!?!"</p><p> </p><p>Richie? Huh?! Why would Stan call her Richie? Probably a nickname.</p><p> </p><p>I knocked on the door. The reaction from inside the room was to get quite fairly quickly.</p><p> </p><p>"Come in." Stan seemed to be the one talking.</p><p> </p><p>I opened the door and wandered in. The two were sitting on the floor with Monopoly sitting in front of them. Rachel looked anxious for some reason, like she was worried about something.</p><p> </p><p>"Rachel, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute?" She looked over at Stan and just stayed silent.</p><p> </p><p>"Uhh...Sure." She seemed very hesitant towards me.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she is hiding something. I sat down next to them and the Monopoly board.</p><p> </p><p>"So, I was wondering why you seem so on edge tonight?" She gave Stan a look of concern like she needed an answer.</p><p> </p><p>"Uhhhh....." she was super hesitant to say anything. "Just...............upset, I guess?" It was more of a question that she was asking herself.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(Stan POV)</p><p> </p><p>My mom was clearly pressing for information. I know my mom is not homophobic nor transphobic but it was one of those 'what if' situations. Like 'what if she hates me?', 'what if she doesn't want me hanging out with him anymore?' kinda thing.</p><p> </p><p>Richie was looking at me with a concerned look on his face. He looked fearful but I don't think my mom noticed howuncomfortable he was feeling.</p><p> </p><p>"Uhhhh..... Just............... upset, I guess?" He has such bad lying skills. </p><p> </p><p>"Are you sure that's it?" My mom is not buying any of this.</p><p> </p><p>Rich just nodded and looked back at me. He looked so nervous. My mom looked over at me trying to make sure it wasn't a lie. Her eyes felt like they were burning a hole in my head. I tried to make my face look like Rich was telling the truth but I couldn't keep a straight face. I looked away from my mom and at Richie.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you sure that's it because it feels like somethings bothering you." Rich looked like he was holding in tears at this point in time.</p><p> </p><p>Richie looked over at me with a worried glance. He looked so concerned about the question at hand. I gave him a signal to choose if he wants to tell her. He knows that my mom is not going to be mad but it still worries him a little.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(Mrs. Uris POV)</p><p> </p><p>Stan was looking at Rachel and moving his hand slightly like a signal. Rachel had her elbow on her knee and was covering her face with her hand. She looked like she was mouthing something to Stanley. She is defiantly hiding something.</p><p> </p><p>"Actually, I................" she stopped her thought before getting to the point.</p><p> </p><p>"rich, you are such a bad lier." Stan was muttering under his breath at this point.</p><p> </p><p>"and what's up with the nicknames?" It isn't important I'm just curious about the very non-female names.</p><p> </p><p>The room got even quieter somehow. I could tell Rachel stiffened in her spot, she was almost shacking. Stan looked like he messed up by saying the nickname under his breath. Rachel was covering her face with her bandaged hand still.</p><p> </p><p>"Sweetie, I promise no matter what it is I will not be mad at you." she finally took a deep breath in.</p><p> </p><p>"Its just..... my dad got mad at me for yelling at him from across the table.... I told him I.....uhhhh......didn't want to be a......uhm.........female." she was struggling to get out her words.</p><p> </p><p>It made sense I guess she never really hung out with any girls according to Stan. I put my hand on her shoulder and rubbed small circles on her back. You could tell she was about to burst into tears.</p><p> </p><p>"Was that what you were worried about?" I know that it was but it might make her feel better if she talks.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Sarah From CPS</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Rich POV)</p><p> </p><p>It was nice to know that Mrs.Uris didn't mind.</p><p> </p><p>"Sweetie, don't worry about it."</p><p> </p><p>"I just... wanted to be a b-boy but I ruined the relationship between me and my... he was stupid." I muttered the last part under my breath. </p><p> </p><p> All of the sudden a knocking sound from downstairs caused Mrs.Uris to get up and rush down the stairs. She waved at us from down the hall to signal she would be back in a second.</p><p> </p><p> I was holding back all emotions for a long time at this point. I took a deep shaky breath that filled my lounges with cold air. The room smelt of a sweet scent like cinnamon and a little smell of freshly baked cookies. The room was very bland and colourless with books stacked up in a corner and a bed in the opposite corner. The board game we were playing moments ago sat in the centre of the room. My money from the game was spread out on the floor for when Stanley refused to believe I won. </p><p> </p><p>The wall over on the different side of the room had a shelf and closet door. The shelves had a bunch more books and board games. Most of the titles were impossible to read because of my lack of glasses and the distance mixed together. The only one that I could make out was a bird book that had been there for years.</p><p> </p><p>I looked down at my hand that was bandaged up and my eyes grew heavy. I felt like I wanted to cry but I couldn't.... even if I wanted too. I felt something wrap around my shoulder causing me to stop my thought process and look up. Stan was looking down at me and smiling. </p><p> </p><p>"Proud of you." It was a short sentence but it made me happy. </p><p> </p><p>"Uhhh... I guess I am proud of me too." I didn't know what to say plus I felt like there was no reason to be proud of this. </p><p> </p><p>I began to think again as his arm remained in its position. In all honesty this was all been eating away at me for a long time but it finally had decided to pause and point out the obvious. I was different from the start and it all made more sense now that I knew what I really was from the start.</p><p> </p><p>I was a boy. A boy trapped in the wrong body with a bad father. I wonder how my mom is doing back there.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(Mrs. Uris POV)</p><p> </p><p>I waved at the kids hoping to be right back from the knocked open door. I guess the little stories from Stan all added up a little now. I know what this is called but i cant put my finger on it. Were you want to be the opposite gender.</p><p> </p><p>I opened the door to see a tall lady that looked like she worked some where serious. </p><p> </p><p>"Hello, I am Sarah. I was wondering if this was the Uris household." When saying the family name she looked down at the clip board that I was know noticing. </p><p> </p><p>I just nodded and then remembered calling CPS about 30 minutes ago. </p><p> </p><p>"Okay, so you most be Mrs. Uris the one who called for.... Rachel Tozier. You said you were the mother of her best friend." She needed to pause to look down again when saying Rachel's name.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes." I moved to the side to let her in. "Come in." She stepped inside and smiled a little. </p><p> </p><p>"It's nice to have parents that care about other kids then just their own." I gave her a small smile back its weird that it sounds rare though. </p><p> </p><p>"I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about Rachel? Is that okay?" it made sense that she was here but I for some reason had glitches out a little in my mind. </p><p> </p><p>"Of course." I snapped out of my little trance and led her to the living room. We sat on the couch. </p><p> </p><p>"Thank you for the call I actually think one of the neighbours called and said the heard some ruckus and a little girl sprinting down the sidewalk." oh I wonder who long Rachel had been out there for. </p><p> </p><p>"Yah, according to Stan he said Rachel had to go home early for a family dinner." it was apart of the story that Stan had told me about 30 minutes ago. </p><p> </p><p>"I was wondering when Rachel had got her?"</p><p> </p><p>"About 45 minutes ago if I'm correct." she quickly scribbled something down on her note board. </p><p> </p><p>"Also did she seem shacken up when she got here or hurt in anyway?" Rachel was insanely shaken up when he got here.</p><p> </p><p>"Yah, she... he was a terrified and looked on the brink of tears. When he got here he had a bruise around his wrist and a couple big cuts on his hands. Also a black eye along with a red cheek he looked liked he had been hit there." she looked worried for him.</p><p> </p><p>"And I was wondering if you know what the fight reason was?" I did but it didn't feel like my place to say it.</p><p> </p><p>I knew Rachel wouldn't want  to talk so I guess I will try to explain."Well at first they would not tell me but... a couple minutes ago I talked to them again and Rachel may have gotten yelled at during supper about something that he could not control..."</p><p> </p><p>"What was out of her control that got her in trouble?"</p><p> </p><p>"Well Rachel may have yelled at his dad that he didn't want to be a... a...... girl so his dad may have lost it on him." she looked worried again.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, I was wondering if I could talk to him." It wasn't a request it was a question wondering where he was. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh of course." I started to walk up the stairs with her following behind me. </p><p> </p><p>I walked upstairs and down the hall with her still there behind me. I could see the kids sitting next to each other talking. Stan was sitting next to Rachel with his arm wrapped around her shoulder. He looked like he was calming her... him? from something. </p><p> </p><p>I led her into the room as Rachel looked up with a worried look on his face. Stan looked confused more then worried. </p><p> </p><p>"This is Sarah she is uhhmm..... from CPS." The look on Rachels face changed to a sad look that made it look like a small child that did something wrong like break a vase. </p><p> </p><p>" You most be Rachel." She knelt down next to him and held out her boney hand for a handshake. </p><p> </p><p>Rachel slowly looked up from the ground and shook the hand but the second it was over he stuffed his hand inside his crossed legs. Stan just looked shocked and a little bit worried. The lady had a kind smile on her face that was clearly for calming the kids but it did not seem to be working so well on them.</p><p> </p><p>"it's uhhh.... r-r...richie." he was struggling to get out the words it was almost so quiet that you couldn't hear it. </p><p> </p><p>"Sorry sweetie can you repeat that for me?" Rach-Richie just muttered a never mind and just looked at the ground. "There isn't anything to be afraid of, you did nothing wrong."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(Sarah 'CPS lady' POV)</p><p> </p><p>I could not make out the words coming from the small gir-boys mouth. His friend looked a little worried right now. </p><p> </p><p>"There isn't anything to be afraid of, you did nothing wrong." I noticed after my years of taking care of kids that they thought it was their fault that this is happening.</p><p> </p><p>"Ruh-Rich Sorry uhhh...... Richie. It's muh-my name." he looked worried like he was going to get yelled at, that was part of the reason that it's at this point in time. </p><p> </p><p>"Okay than Richie." I was ready to ask him questions but the little smile that appeared on his face made my heart happy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Office Questions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Maggie Tozier's POV)</p><p> </p><p>I was sitting there listening to my inner thoughts. Wentworth was yelling louder then I have ever heard him yell before. He is yelling something about Rachel leaving the fucking household or something. I am more set on if she is safe.</p><p> </p><p>"CAN YOU BELIVE HER, SHE IS A DISAPPOINTMENT TO THE FAMILY!!!" he was yelling at me and himself at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>He sounded pissed and like no words would change his mind in the siltiest way.</p><p> </p><p>*Flashback*</p><p> </p><p>"Sweetie, can you please take off your hat."</p><p> </p><p>Rachel pulled off her hat like she was waiting for something bad to happen. She pulled it of and shook her head to let the rest down but no more came down. It was short and not neatly cut. The hair went down to her chin, it was more curly than usual.</p><p> </p><p>"Rachel honey, what happened to your hair?"</p><p> </p><p>*Flashback End*</p><p> </p><p>I flinched when my husband punched a fairly large hole in the wall out of pure anger. He has probably put 3 holes in different rooms in the house just from tonight. I'm just sitting here when I could be out looking for Rachel and making sure she is fine.</p><p> </p><p>I sit there and listen to Went scream about what a embarrassment Rachel is. All of the sudden there is a loud knock on the door.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(Sarah 'CPS Lady' POV)</p><p> </p><p>*1.5 hours Ago*</p><p> </p><p>"I was wondering if I could bring you with me to my office? We need to ask some questions and see what we can do for you." He looked a little bit fearful.</p><p> </p><p>"Wuh-Why?" He looked on the verge of tears.</p><p> </p><p>"Don't worry. We just need to bring you back to the office to gather the paperwork for this all and ask some questions. Is that okay?" Richie made a small nod that barely could be counted as one.</p><p> </p><p>I held out my hand after standing up myself to bring him up. He took it hesitantly but got up quickly.</p><p> </p><p>"See you later Stan." He waved to the curly haired boy.</p><p> </p><p>I let his hand fall back to his side and gestured for him to leave ahead of me.</p><p> </p><p>"Thanks again, Mrs.Uris. It really helped me out." I began to close the door to the bedroom but before I could Richie ran back in and quickly gave him a hug and a quick thanks. He came back out of the room with me again.</p><p> </p><p>He began to head down the stairs in front of me. I waved back at Mrs. Uris and followed him outside.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay so we are going to go back to my office, it will only take 10 minutes." He nodded and followed me to my car.</p><p> </p><p>~~10 minutes later~~</p><p> </p><p>I opened the car door to let Richie out of the passenger seat. I lead him into the building and my office. I opened the door for Richie.</p><p> </p><p>"Can you wait here for a minute well I grab your file?" Richie nodded and sat down in the chair across for my seat.</p><p> </p><p>I closed the door behind me and walked to the computers and files room to find his file and the questions I need to ask. I searched for a minute and then found the Tozier file. I grabbed and started walking back up to my office. I opened the door where Richie was still sitting in the chair quietly.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, are you still up to the questions?" I asked him with a gentle voice.</p><p> </p><p>"Yuh-yeah," he nodded up and down with his answer.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay," I sat down in my desk chair.</p><p> </p><p>I pulled out the printed sheet of questions and set the file out on my desk. I quickly put Richard in quotations next to Rachel.</p><p> </p><p>"I was wondering if you could tell me the story form all of tonight and the reasons leading up to tonight," I looked up at him for the story to start.</p><p> </p><p>(Richie POV)</p><p> </p><p>"Sure... uhm it started a day ago when I chopped off my hair during a little bit of a breakdown. I hid it from my parents for that night and hid it for most of today. I came home earlier than normal because my grandma was coming for supper. Before supper started.... well my grandma is really... I guess religious so we have to pray when she comes over. I'm not aloud to wear the hat I was using to hid my hair under. I took it off and they saw how short my hair was," I looked up at her and saw that she was listening very intently.</p><p> </p><p>"My mom noticed first and my dad and mom went to go talk to each other but I tried to go to my room. My mom caught me because she wanted to talk to me but my dad started getting really pissed off. He couldn't do very much well my grandma was here so he didn't began yelling by then. He hit me and I hit my head on the stairs. My mom pushed him and he fuh-fell back from me." I began to tear up from wondering if my mom is okay.</p><p> </p><p>"After that?" She asked me softly.</p><p> </p><p>"After that I ran upstairs to my room and locked the door. I hid in my closet like I usually do when my dad gets super mad. I broke my glasses well in the closet, they cut me," I pointed down to my bandaged hand.</p><p> </p><p>"I heard yelling downstairs, my dad came up and began searching for my room key. My grandma left when my dad came up and grabbed the keys. My mom was screaming at my dad and he came into my ruh-room yelling back. He said suh-some things I don't want to repeat. He found me and pulled me out of my closet, after that he argued with me a lot and I ran out of the room to the bathroom. I climbed out the window in the bathroom after grabbing bandages," I felt like sitting here and curling up in a ball and crying.</p><p> </p><p>"I ran to where me and my friends were before hand to see if they might still buh-be there. Stan and Beverly were still there but I ran away cause I thought I was dragging them into something and annoying them. They caught up to me and we came up with a plan to stay at Stan's if I go back and it is still super bad. It was still just as bad because my dad was still yelling and he tried to make me forget it happened and say that I'm still his 'daughter'. He hit me and shoved me to the ground so I ran to Stan and we went to his house and my hand was bandaged again. So yah..." I looked up to her and she was looking down at a paper and writing quickly along it.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay. So next question?" I quickly nodded trying to not cry.</p><p> </p><p>"Yuh-yeah that's fine," she looked back down at a paper and looked to be reading something.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, has it ever been this bad before?" the next question seemed to draw me the slightest bit closer to crying.</p><p> </p><p>"Wuh-well not this bad but.... still ruh-really bad someti... but it's my fault for pissing him off," I feel like it's my fault again and feel like I'm wasting peoples time.</p><p> </p><p>"No, Sweetie it is far from your fault,"I looked up at her sincere look that she was giving me.</p><p> </p><p>"Buh-but I'm always the one making him mad so it.......," I cut myself off and realized that it was not my fault in any way.</p><p> </p><p>I can't change who I am just because someone tells me too. He is the one who chooses to hit me and yell at me. He gets mad at me for nothing. He chooses to call me a fag and another thing wrong in the world.</p><p> </p><p>"........ it..... it isn't my fault," I felt better saying it out loud because it feels more true.</p><p> </p><p>"It isn't your fault," I looked back up at her to signal to continue the questions.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay next.... Are both your parents like this?" I quickly shock my head. My mom loves me with all her heart, she would never hate me no matter what.</p><p> </p><p>"My mom is great, she stands up for me all the time but...... it never seems to be very effective," it's never effective because she always gets hit or pushed out of the way.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, so where are you hurt from tonight and how did they get there?" she gestured to my whole body with here hand not being used to write.</p><p> </p><p>"Uhm... I got a black eye from being hit by my dad well trying to leave the second time. Then my uh... hand but that was my fault because I broke my glasses well hiding," I was cut off by her voice.</p><p> </p><p>"I forgot to ask, are you capable of seeing enough with out them?" I looked back up to her.</p><p> </p><p>"Uh... yeah? It's hard to read and see things close up but it's fine," she nodded and gestured me to continue what I was saying.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay that's good. You can continue," I nodded and looked back down at my body to remember what else got hurt.</p><p> </p><p>"Well... I kinda have a headache from being pushed and hitting my head on the stairs. I have a bruise on my wrist from being pulled back..... what else? Uhm," I looked down at my body to check for anything but I stopped when I got to my chest because I don't need a reminder of how this all started. "That seems to be it,"</p><p> </p><p>"Okay it's good that you're not hurt to badly," she swapped to her computer.</p><p> </p><p>Her nails were a vibrant red colour that reminded me of the blood that once seeped through my glass broken skin. Her nails tapped loudly throughout the room that was otherwise silent. I looked down at my lap that still was blurry and messed up.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. The Final Questions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Richie's POV)</p><p> </p><p>She sat there typing for a long time and then turned back to me.</p><p> </p><p>"Couple more question?" she asked me quirking her eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, that's fine," she nodded and looked over to the screen.</p><p> </p><p>"How is your home environment? Like sleeping arrangements, water, food and lights?" she looked back at me for an answer.</p><p> </p><p>"Sleeping arrangements are good. Water and lights are all good," I glance around the room.</p><p> </p><p>"What about food?"</p><p> </p><p>"My dad will... sometimes punish my by not giving me super or lunch but... it's rare," I started fiddling with my hands.</p><p> </p><p>"How about the discipline in your house? What usually happens when you get in trouble?"</p><p> </p><p>"It usually is okay, maybe getting hit a couple times if really bad. Yelling is usually the main thing that happens," I scratched my wrist uncomfortably.</p><p> </p><p>"Do your parents ever hit each other?"</p><p> </p><p>"Yes... but it's always my dad hitting my mom unless..." I start to feel guilty.</p><p> </p><p>"Unless what, sweetheart?" she gave me</p><p> </p><p>"Unless my dad tries to hit me," I took a deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>"Do you enjoy school?" she looked at me again.</p><p> </p><p>"Mostly schools okay."</p><p> </p><p>"Mostly?"</p><p> </p><p>"Me and Stan get bullied a lot but it could be worse," I looked up from my lap.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay know simple questions. When is your birthday?" it's nice to not talk about sad stuff more.</p><p> </p><p>"March 7th."</p><p> </p><p>"What year were you born in?"</p><p> </p><p>"1976," I paused before speaking to recall because I always forget.</p><p> </p><p>"What's your full legal name?" My breath hitched before blinking away tears.</p><p> </p><p>"Rachel Rosemary Tozier," it hurt saying my first and second name.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, thanks. Is it fine if I go process the files?" I nodded and she left the room.</p><p> </p><p>I started to look around curiously. I fiddled with my hands in my lap and crossed and uncrossed my legs.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>There's gonna be a sequel by the name The Summer Time Secret that happens during the summer of 89'</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>